What is the score?

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Newt

'Lures Rule!!'
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The Point System For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.

Remember, in the world of romance one single rule applies:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed.............................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1

You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
in the snow...................................................+8
but return with beer..........................................-5
and no liners................................................-25

You check out a suspicious noise at night.....................0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
You pummel it with a six iron................................+10
It's her cat.................................................-40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party............+20
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat
with College drinking buddy...............................-2
Named Tiffany.................................................-4
Tiffany works at Hooters......................................-10
With breast implants..................................-18

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday......................................0
You buy a card and flowers.....................................0
You take her out to dinner.....................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar..........+1
Okay, it is a sports bar......................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night................................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face
is painted the colors of your favorite team.............-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal..................................................0
The pal is happily married...................................+1
The pal is single.............................................-7
He drives a Ferrari..........................................-10
With a personalized license plate (great NBED).................-15


A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie.......................................+2
You take her to a movie she likes.............................+4
You take her to a movie you hate..............................+6
You take her to a movie you like..............................-2
It's called Death Cop III.....................................-3
which features Cyborgs that eat humans........................-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans........-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly...........................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid
of T......................................................+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose
jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts..........................-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".............-800

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding...................................................-10
You reply, "Where?"..........................................-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass"......................-100
Any other response...........................................-20

COMMUNICATION When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression..................0
You listen, for over 30 minutes...............................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear
her saying "well, what do you think I should do"..............-50
You have fallen asleep........................................-500


Newt Vail
 

martin.

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it would take me the next 20 yrs to get a chance of getting back into a pos score if i never had another neg 1 in that time
i could grovel that much

tight lines.
martin.
 

Newt

'Lures Rule!!'
Joined
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Messages
1,385
Just noticed the auto0-censor *****'d part of a word. Wonder why. The phrase was "d e c o r a t i v e pillow" and e c o r a t got blitzed. Hmmmmm.

Well - here is one you can show the ladies so they will be more educated about men.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

REAL MEN

Note: All "real men" answer "C" to all of these questions. Knowing this, women will have come far in understanding men and enriching their own lives.
---------

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth.

You decide:

A. Present it to the President of the United States.
B. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations.
C. Take it apart.

2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youthful life do you miss the most?

A. Innocence.
B. Idealism.
C. Cherry bombs.

3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

A. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
B. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)
C. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed.

4. What about hugging another male?

A. If he's your father and at least one of you has a fatal disease.
B. If you're performing the Heimlich maneuver.
C. If you're a professional baseball player and a teammate hits a home run to win the World Series, you may hug him provided that:
(1) He is legally within the base path,
(2) Both of you are wearing sufficient protection, and
(3) You also pound him fraternally with your fist hard enough to cause fractures.

5. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

A. A cat.
B. A dog.
C. A dog that eats cats.

6. You have been seeing a woman for several years. She's attractive and intelligent, and you always enjoy being with her. one leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy. You're watching a football game; she's reading the papers. Suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, she tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say?

A. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it.
B. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope.
C. That you cannot believe the Redskins called a draw play on third and seventeen.

7. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her -- sharing the joys and the sorrows the world has to offer, come what may. How do you tell her?

A. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
B. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
C. Tell her what?

8. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is:

A. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
B. "They're in school already?"
C. "There are three of them?"

9. When is it okay to throw away a set of veteran underwear?

A. When it has turned the color of a dead whale and developed new holes so large that you're not sure which ones were originally intended for your legs.
B. When it is down to eight loosely connected underwear molecules and has to be handled with tweezers.
C.. It is never okay to throw away veteran underwear. A real guy checks the garbage regularly in case somebody (and we are not naming names, but this would be his wife) is quietly trying to discard his underwear, which she is frankly jealous of, because the guy seems to have a more intimate relationship with it than with her.

10. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land?

A. He was being tested.
B. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there.
C. He refused to ask for directions.


Newt Vail
 

Dave

Red Leader
Staff member
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Aug 8, 2001
Messages
61,397
Hi Newt,

Firstly excellent postings I'm now in the red where the points are concerned and it looks like it'll be a long time untill I make them back up icon_smile_big.gif

The 'D' word (Deco rating) is banned on the forums as it is the bain of my life and the last thing that I want to read about is decorating lol. I'm sure I speak for most on here unless there are some sado-masochists lol. Ever since (and before) I got married I have been renovating tatty houses at a personal cost of many hours that could have been well spent on the banks rather than in them icon_smile_big.gif lol
Rather than remove the whole word I took out the middle so the jist of it was there but not the 'D' word in it's entirety icon_smile.gif

Should anyone have an undying urge to talk about decorating please go to www.diy.com as to do so on these forums will undoubtly result in a lifetime ban icon_smile_big.gificon_smile_big.gif lol

Regards, Dave
 

Newt

'Lures Rule!!'
Joined
Jan 19, 2002
Messages
1,385
Just print off the quiz (removing the hint about all answers being "C") and let your wife take the quiz. Tell her if she gets all the answers correct you will do the d-word thing but otherwise, never again.

Newt Vail
 
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