What do I do now, and maybe goodbye....

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badpegpicker

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2 posts Ive read in as many days that are pretty much summing up the way I feel and my current situation[:(]

Although its sort of good to know Im not the only one having a difficult life, I still feel myself on a slow, slippery slope back down the dark road to rock bottom.

For anyone thats never suffered from "proper" depression, its difficult for them to understand it, and a lot of the time, they will dismiss it or even say that no such thing exists.

My first time round, I was the sort that never really thought about it. Infact, as my life wasnt actually that bad at the time, I didnt see any reason why I should suffer from anything like it.

Ive been there before so I know the signs, and Im getting seriously worried about my physical and mental health.

In the past 4 weeks, Ive lost over a stone and a half. Not really through anything more than worry and stress. Ok, Im not eating as well as I normally would, but that amount of weight loss in 4 weeks is NOT good[:(]

Im in a very nasty situation at the minute.

My other half has decided that after 12 years she has had enough of me. Cant really blame her, Ive not exactly been the role model significant other over the last year, but when its laid out on the table, it hits you hard.

Couple that with the fact that I am now looking at losing everything I have worked for in the last 12 years. My car, house and even the girl I class as my daughter (and obviously the ex), and you suddenly think

"****......what the hell is happening to me?"

I went into work this morning and pretty much collapsed and was sent home.
All day Ive been looking at ways to try and make ends meet financially, and no matter which way I turn, I just cant do it without selling the house and all my treasured posessions, including all my fishing gear.

Ive looked into the working tax credits to see if that will help at all, but in all honesty, it wont make that much of a difference.

I dont earn much at all, and after the mortgage, utility bills (without luxuries like SKY, telephone, internet or even a TV licence)), fuel for the car, and food, I would be looking at around 50 in the red EVERY month. I was out of work for 10 months and only been in my current job for 4 months, so any money we had got set aside went last year, and we havent had the chance to recover from it since she was made redundant in Feb and not had any work since.

Fortunately for her, she has already got somewhere else to live due to having a large family with plenty of spare beds.

I dont have that luxury. I have no family to fall back on (havent seen of heard from my father or brother since my mum died 11 years ago), and my sister lives a way away, and hasnt got either the money nor space to help me, so I am pretty much stuffed.

The one option I do have is to sell the house, but.......

If I do that, we would probably just get enough to cover the mortgage.
The problem then is finding somewhere round here that I could rent for less than my original mortgage. The only places round here that are within reason are basically bedsits. I would have no privacy, no room for anything.

It has been mentioned that i could take on a lodger,but to be perfectly honest, Im a home bod. I dont like the thought of someone I dont really know coming and going as and when they pleased, and not knowing what they re up to when Im not there......Its just me and the way Im built.


So thats that.

Sorry to have gone on, but I just felt the need to write it down.


One thing I have learned through all this is to never take your other half for granted[;)]

If you read this and think to yourself "Me and the missus arent really as close as we used to be"

DONT LEAVE IT TOO LONG!!

Do something nice.......


When you re on your way home from work or fishing, stop off at a garage or super market and pick up a bunch of flowers, get home, give her a hug and tell her you love her or even just send her a text saying the same[:T]

God knows i wish I had done it more often, maybe then I wouldnt be in such a mess as I am right now[:(]

Thanks for reading my ramblings on. Im not after or expecting sympathy, just writing in hope that if I can stop someone else from being in the same situation, I ll be happy (er)[:T]



Just one more thing.........


As I dont know how long I will be able to have internet access and incase I dont get the chance at a later date, a few words to the friends Ive made on here over the years.


All the best to each and every MDer Ive met or had the pleasure of talking to on here since signing up.

I have had the good fortune to meet many good hearted, like minded anglers through this site.
I have had the chance to share my knowledge (what little I have lol) with others, and had the opportunity to pick your brains for advice both about fishing and lifes little quandries.

Ive laughed out loud, got angry alongside others, had agreements and disagreements.

Ive read things that have made me weep, things that have made me think.

I have been proud to be part of a few charity matches, namely our favourite girl in MDer Land, Faye.

Never before have I met such a bright, giving and brave young girl kiss2.gif .
And never have I met a better crowd who are so generous than those I have fished with at the events.

Its been an honour to know each and every one of you guys, and to be a part of the best site I have ever visited.


To all of you, from the bottom of my heart (whats left of it)..............



THANK YOU beer-toast1.gif


Steve[:D]
 

jonesr

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Steve, you've started in the right direction. By talking to some one,there are people to talk to about your problems.Believe me,it does help!

Chin up Mate[:T]
 

Marvin Waggler

Bass Blanker
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Sounds like you're in a right old quandry mate, like jonesr has said you've done well to bring it out in the open, and if any of us can help we will.
 

zhorian

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yeah .... I've been happy to read your posts on the drowners ..... like marvin says 'if we can help we will' ..... keep your chin up tho - I dun bin down this road and it all turns out ok in the end but it just takes time ....
 

Nemesis

AMBER + BLUE
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Jul 15, 2007
Messages
1,807
Steve,i'm so sorry to read that. [:(]

I have only met you once and from that meeting and the fishing at Kilworth Sticks plus all the help,advice and info you have given too me,you are one in a million mate.

I can't help you with your depression mate as i have never suffered with it.To say "Chin up mate,things are not that bad" would be very patronizing and some people i know who do/have suffered from this hate to hear it.

As for your marriage,sit down and talk about it even if you both think its futile,above all listen to each other and try to compromise.It is hard when,as a man and the bread winner,you lose your job even when its not your fault.Your self-esteem takes a nose-dive and you think and feel "Why me,what have i done too deserve this".

I lost my job in 2003 and felt awful,my partner kept us afloat for the next two years but it took its toll in the end.I was back in employment within about 3 months but on half the wages of my previous job so sacrifices had to be made with regard to nights out,holidays,weekends away,all the things we used to do together.

I was with my last partner for 15yrs and we split in 2005.It is a massive wrench to your life because half of it just disappears overnight.We sat down and talked,shouted,cried and laughed and came to an amicable solution that suited the both of us.We are still great friends and i still see her every Tuesday and Friday as that is when she drops off/picks up the dog.We didn't have kids so we each have "custody" of the dog. [:D]

Whatever you do and whatever happens in the future mate you have loads of people on here who respect your opinion,advice and most of all your friendship,that will never alter,and i am proud too say that i have Steve (badpegpicker) as a friend..Keep in touch mate cos this site is the only thing that keeps me sane. [:p]
 

RUDDLES

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Messages
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ive been in the divorce situation after 15 years . you get down and depressed you hit rock bottom .. but you will come out the other side you will go on . go and see a solicitor you may get legal aid it helps and see your bank manager get your finances sorted they will help you and face your problems head on and dont bury your head in sand as lots o blokes do i know i was one.. keep working keep ya chin up you will come out of it a stronger and wiser person and maybe in time you will meet a nice lady and move on as i did , all the best and keep ya chin up .. good luck mate
 

Larry

Lazarus
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Dec 4, 2001
Messages
10,575
Steve,
What can say iv'e been where you lost my house finished up in homeless housing donated for the cause from a local Redditch businessman for the use of Redditch council.
We had our house repossessed because we couldn't pay the mortgage.All i can say is seek some advice from the right professionals the CAB etc we did all this.
We did think about parting but decided to stick with it &eventually it got better with time.
We were in council housing for 5 years but eventually managed to get a way to buying again.
Try &find a local solicitor that deals with your particular problems.
Who can help with financial problems associated with your situation.
As far as housing concerned we have gone from strength to strength.
You may think the world is against you now but hold on in there.It doe's get better with time the saying time is a great healer,is correct.
Hope everything goes well for you.
I have had severe depression over the last 12 years but managed to over come it with medical help &help &understanding from my wife&some self help.
 
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craig b

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Jan 22, 2006
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808
i can do nothing but agree with the replies above, go and talk to citizens advice they will guide you in the right direction and go and chat to your GP they are there to help and it's sometimes nice to have someone to listen to your worries and it may seem like things will never get better but it will.
I got divorced 6 yrs ago and lost everything, house, kids and things looked bad but i was lucky i had my mother's to move back into until i got my self sorted and i now live with a lovely lass and i have my kids on a weekend and things are looking up. please go and chat to someone and try not to sit alone too long because thats when your brain starts working overtime and thats not a good thing if you know what i mean you start to blame yourself and thats not the way to go.
 

badpegpicker

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Thanks for the kind words chaps[;)]

Very much appreciated.

As I said, I know Im not the only one who is going through this sort of thing, and definately wont be the last.

In a way, a small saving grace is that Im not actually married, so the legal things are fairly straight forward. She has already said that she is willing to just sign the house over to me, but there lies the problem. The mortgage would clear me out pretty much.

Just a case of working thi ngs out between us so that both of us walk away without too many strings left.

All I want is for her to be happy, and if that means never seeing her again, so be it.
Ive been through all the emotions over the last couple of days, and now just feel very sad that it has come to this.

Im going to give the CAB a call tomorrow and also try to get a better idea about any financial help I am able to get. Im not on the ponce, I just need to know if there is anything I can do to help me keep a roof over my head[:0]
 

Sparhawk

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Getting sick of typing this lately mate. hang in there Pal.

As my ole Mom used to say "This too shall pass"
 

Trogg

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Oi Steve, are you at the bottom yet?

Don't dwell on the "this is" think instead about the "hold on, what if"......you should never give in mate and thats what it sounds like you're doing.

So your mind is telling you "this is it i'm fecked".......WRONG you're spirit is giving you ways to make a start back up that ladder and turning down a chance just because you don't like the thought isn't the best solution we have all had to do things we don't like or want to do but we do it and why....because we're humans and we have this problem with doing as we should.

Take a lodger, give it a try you never know it may be even better for you than you think, it could be a bloody good chance for you to get a better job, make a few extra quid etc etc

Tell you what to do mate, sit on the floor, close your eyes and tilt your head back, now in your mind imagine you're sat right at the bottom in the deepest darkest s**t pit on this planet and then open your eyes, see that little glint just in the left corner of your eyes??...................do you know what that is mate??
Its the light at the top of the pit and the ladder is right there all you have to do is pick yourself up off that cold, dirty defeatist floor get a foot on the ladder and start fecking climbing son cos the suns shining brightly at the top and all you've got to do is make one foot follow the other till you get there!!!

Winners never quit and quitters never win and the one thing you have always seemed to be is a winner, so get up get your foot on that ladder and climb NOW
 

Hatman

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I had lodgers to make ends meet a few years back. They're strangers when they arrive but if you are careful who you let the room to then you will probably gain a friend & probably widen your social circle a bit too!
 

crayfishtraps

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steve,im sorry to hear about your predicament mate,dont rearly know what to say...............but keep your chin up and be possitive mate,as the last time i saw you,you were out of work but you were still happy mate.so just be thinking possitive thoughts.

hope all goes well mate,your a good mate to have.

pete
 

badpegpicker

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Oi Troggy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Your ramblings on have brought a smile to my face[:(!]

Cant you see Im wallowing in self pity??????[}:)]




Thanks mate.[:T]

Your right, Im not generally a quitter, and having been down the road of severe depression before and managing to get through it without the help of drugs and the nut house, I know that I will eventually get the strength back to fight back, but this tme things are alot different.

[;)]
 

Trogg

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they maybe a lot different now mate but when you get back into the light.....things will be a HELL OF A LOT different
 

Genus9

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I know You've possibly heard this before but "Things WILL get better"

As You possibly know I've been in the same situation twice and believe Me You'll get through it Mate,

My second Wife left Me after 13 Years and it I thought it was the end of the world,

I could'nt eat or sleep and lost direction and weight drank bottles of wine, did'nt pay the bills in fact I got Myself into a right mess

She took with Her My 7 Year old son Gary and I felt I had nothing left, People said that in 6 months I would'nt even miss Her but to Me 6 months felt like 6 Years away,

I took in a lodger to help with the expenses and could'nt wait to get rid of Him,

Like You, I like My own space

When My third Wife left. She took with Her My 6yr old daughter, My 4yr old daughter and My 9month old son, I too considered selling My kit believing that it was the fishing that caused them both to leave and told people that I had been selfish with My time, fishing matches rather than sharing My time with My family,

But a very good friend gave Me some good advice, "Keep Your kit, it'll keep You sane"

That's My advice to You My friend, even if You can't afford to go far or fish a match there's always somewhere that a pint of maggots will be all You need.

I know if I'd have sold up I'd never have been able to start up again and You know how much the sport gives You.

There will be a time when everything comes together and Yours will come Mate,

Keep Your chin up please.

All My best, Al. [:)]
 

mickthechippy

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well dude,

I know me and thee got off on the wrong foot,

I been there, where your at, and it dont mean a thing,

iffin your still breathing, theres always summat that'll turn up

sitting down on yer tod and thinking too much will get yer in the end,

first thing, get yer house sorted, do the deal with the wench and you got somewhere to kip and keep your gear

ask around your mates, see if they are looking for somewhere to rest thier head, lodgers aint too bad, I been one meself when workin, just bung a few rules down, do's and donts and things go hunky dory,

stop thinkin its your fault, that way aint no good, we all **** up, its the getting the **** up sorted thats the thing

set yourself a target each day, and each week, if there aint no one but you in the house, paint a room, dont cost much for paint, when yer done, stand back and look, just nod and remind yerself,you done that! made a new space, you got rid of the old, do em all, if you like, gives you summat to do, and gets rid of the old

dont just sit around, get yer act together and stroll on,

lifes a sh!t sometimes, but theres always sun around the corner
 

badpegpicker

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Guys,


Thanks to everyone that has sent me a PM or replied to this.

Its already given me a well needed kick up the backside.[:T]

Ive smiled a few times, and also shed a tear through the kindness you have all shown me (I know, Im getting all mushy again[:I])


Mickthechippy.........


When did we get off on the wrong foot mate???????

It cant have been anything serious, cos I cant remember it[:0]
Thanks for the kind words though[:T]
 

Trogg

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Originally posted by badpegpicker



Ive smiled a few times, and also shed a tear through the kindness you have all shown me (I know, Im getting all mushy again[:I])



PUFF!!!!!!![}:)]
 
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