What a mess!!

Arch

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Half way through March this year, my sister in law (Wifes sister) was attacked by her husband. She naturally left him and as my wife is her only living relative, she came here. We have a touring caravan that has it happens I'd set up in our garden in the advent of me catching Covid. I would be able to isolate in there, keeping my wife as safe as possible (She's not in the best of health) So SIL went in there for 14 days to isolate, she's still in there. They haven't any children, but have two dogs, a Staffy and a Bulldog. They also came with her. We have an elderly dog and a cat.

The SIL left their rented house with basically nothing. They were skint, and she didn't work. He'd lost his job during the lockdown due to him being aggressive towards those underneath him. So she had no money. We've been subsidising her since she got here. I've never really liked her (She's basically a know it all and tries to dictate what others do when her own life has been a mess most of her life) but I try my best and bite my tongue because my wife and her are close, although my wife is fed up of her being here now. She'd stayed with us in the past for some while, and it always causes friction.

Over the last few weeks, the bulldog bitch has had a go at our old Lurcher (She's 13) as few times. So much so, that Tess is now frightened of the bulldog. Tess won't go out on our garden unless my wife or I am with her. Whereas before they arrived she would lie on the grass in the summer, she now spends most of the time in our house. The SIL blames our dog for growling at the bulldog for the bulldog being aggressive towards Tess.

Well tonight I couldn't stand it any longer. I'd brought Tess back home from a walk, but the SILs dogs were at our gate and Tess wouldn't come through it. I shooed them away and Tess came in. The SILs dogs then stood inside our door, again, Tess wouldn't go in. Well, this time I lost it. Trying to argue with someone who is saying it's our fault her dogs are aggressive towards our dog because our dog growls at them is unreal. She wouldn't have it that her dogs were in the wrong and then telling me that I should tell Tess off for growling at her two. It got a little heated and in the end I told her to leave and go and find somewhere else to live. She hasn't got anywhere else to go, all her friends have deserted her over the idiot she married. Not sure what to do next if I'm honest.

Sorry about putting this on here, but just needed to get it of my chest.

Arch.
 

Dave

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Wow, you're right about it being a mess.

I take it you and Tess are back in the house now and she's in the caravan with her dogs?

Perhaps it's time for her to move on as you say. There are refuges out there for victims of domestic violence and charities set up to help place people in them (I'm not sure where the dogs will fit in though, but you've done your bit)
Perhaps she needs to make a few phone calls in the morning...
 

stikflote

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Ifeel sure i would have told her to leave as well, hope it turns out ok for you

Keith
 

Reuben

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Some in-laws are a royal pain in the hoop, mate. In my experience your missus has to step up & have a word. Last thing you need Is for your SIL’s problems to have an effect on your relationship. For what it’s worth, I think you’ve done the right thing. Hope you get it sorted, all the best.
 

Arch

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She's previously been on to the council, they're "dealing" with it. :sleep:
 

The Landlord

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Jeez.....I feel for you Arch. I've sort of been there & got the T shirt. We foster the daughters of my lowlife stepdaughter. Although I love them dearly, I wish I'd been a bit more forceful and grown some ballax at the start & said No!
I think you've done the right thing there & it's you & your missus who should be your priority. It may cause some friction between you in the short tem but you've the rest of your lives to consider.
 

Dave

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The council won't do anything unless she approaches a charity in this field for help
 

Arch

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She's trying to get on the council house waiting list.
 

Arch

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She's also got a restraining order out on her husband.
 

John Step

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There's got to be a reason why others have given her the elbow. You have been more than helpful. There comes a time when she has to move out and move on.
Now seems a good time with a reasonable amount of notice. Two weeks would be generous.
 

Dave

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It won't happen unless she gets a referral from 'Refuge' or similar. She will most likely have to move into a hostel initially and then the council will move on it.
 

62tucker

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Edit : Idiot

There is a time and a place for trying to be funny - Dave
 

Arch

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We're paying for her dog food. The van is fully "plugged in" so we're already paying for that.
We're paying for most stuff, she only got given some money a few weeks ago. Don't think she has payed for anything yet.
 

Reuben

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You’re a better man than me - Id’ve already cut the cord...
 

Arch

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There's got to be a reason why others have given her the elbow. You have been more than helpful. There comes a time when she has to move out and move on.
Now seems a good time with a reasonable amount of notice. Two weeks would be generous.


She had been a very successful west end stage actress. Very successful. But she has blown any money she ever made, and she was never told NO by anybody. She thinks she knows everything.
 

Dave

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TBH - you've only really got three choices - She goes on her own accord, she goes because you make her, she stays.

The first being the best option from your wife's point of view and no recriminations on you later.

As I posted she needs to get in touch with Refuge in the morning. The council won't act without a referral.
 

Yosemite Sam

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Good grief. I think you have been more than patient Arch, I would have told her to do one along time ago. Your wife must realise her sister is taking the proverbial , and needs to have a word with her sister. The longer these things go on, the worse they become. If SIL cannot see that living under your roof with everything paid for is taking the mickey , then you have to do something, because she won’t. I would have thought the first thing for her to offload would be the dogs. But because you are paying for all their food, she has no reason to even do that, and won’t change anything until you or your wife say something.
 
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