Spanky's thread

spanky

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NASA have landed a Rover on Mars after a 300million mile voyage.

I'm amazed, the one I drove in the 90s could barely make it to Sainsbury's.
 

spanky

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Never go orienteering without a compass...

you never know when you might need to draw a circle
 

spanky

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My wife says and does the nicest things...

Just this morning she said, "I'm leaving you and taking the kids."
 

spanky

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Butlins are promising their best year of entertainment yet...

They must be staying closed.
 

spanky

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I just paid for a full hair-cut, conditioner, neck and scalp massage, product, wash, face shave, and then moustache trim and wax...

It's the wife's birthday and I thought, "Why not - I'll treat her."
 

spanky

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I’ve just raised £12,000 for the NHS...

I had to park my car overnight at the hospital.
 

spanky

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My wife angrily complained about me always impersonating scousers.

So I told her to calm down.
 

spanky

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I told my mate that I got kicked in the plums by a bird in a park in Chiswick the other day.P

“Turnham Green?” he asked

“No,” I replied, “Purple.”
 

spanky

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The Amazon delivery driver asked me what time it was.

"Somewhere between 8 in the morning and 6 at night," I replied.
 

spanky

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I've installed one of those video doorbells...

It's amazing what the outside looks like
 

spanky

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I never thought I'd be the kind of person who'd run 5 miles a day before I've even had breakfast...

Turns out I was right.
 

spanky

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If you get an email titled 'I will teach you to read maps backwards', don't open it...

It's spam.
 
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