Spanky's thread

spanky

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I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid...

I just can't seem to stop

Or

Despite drinking a lot of brake fluid, I'm not addicted

I can stop at any time
 

spanky

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A voice in the back of my head keeps telling me...

I'm wearing the headset wrong.
 

spanky

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Inventor of glue: I bet if we melt that horse we could use it to stick stuff to other stiff

Friend: Dude, is everything okay at home?
 

spanky

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Police are warning the public of a flasher with glitter all over his privates...

He's pretty nuts.
 

spanky

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I was in the interrogation room last night, but I refused to say a word...

I don't think I should be a policeman.
 

tonerain

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Inventor of glue: I bet if we melt that horse we could use it to stick stuff to other stiff
Who 1st looked at a cow and thought "I know - I'll squeeze them dangly bits and whatever comes out, I'll drink it".
 

spanky

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I don't think my wife loves me anymore. I walked in to the kitchen this morning and said "is that coffee I smell?"

She said "it is and you do."
 

spanky

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I've lost loads of weight just by wearing bread on my head...

It's a loaf hat diet.
 

spanky

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After building my new wardrobe outside the IKEA store, I couldn't fit the thing in my car...

I'm not sure their "Assembly Point" is such a good idea.
 

Dave

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Why is it every time I ask for directions I get the village idiot??.
I was lost the other day, stopped a young bloke, and asked him "how do you get to the hospital??"
He replied "My brother takes me "
 

spanky

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I’ve just had my dinner at the local KFC, it was absolutely awful. The ‘people’ who work there are stupid and disgusting, they have no personal hygiene to speak of, they lack empathy with the customers and are surly and generally incompetent. The food was cold, greasy and tasteless. The tables were filthy and the whole place stank.

If if wasn’t for my staff discount I would have gone somewhere better.
 
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