Spanky's thread

spanky

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Scouser: "Terrible weekend mate, you lot let six in and we got battered with letting seven in."

Manc: "You think that's bad? At least you didn't have to go to work the next day."
 

spanky

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I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today...

Should've cooked it at Aloha temperature.
 

spanky

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I knew I was going to fail my maths test when I entered the classroom...

so I did a quick 360 and left.
 

spanky

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If I had to give an honest review on our solar system...

I'd give it one star.
 

spanky

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I hate people who bang on about their phobias...

I have terrible fear of heights, but you won't find me shouting about it from the rooftops.
 

spanky

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I told my suitcases just now there will be no holiday this year...

I am now dealing with emotional baggage
 

spanky

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It’s difficult to maintain an erection with a poor Wi-Fi signal...

One of these days, I’m going to complain to the bus driver.
 

spanky

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Yesterday I met my Welsh girlfriend’s whole family for the first time - her father, her uncle and her brother...

Nice guy.
 

spanky

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Before I became a stunt man, I was an apprentice mattresses-maker...

Just in case I needed something to fall back on.
 

Scribe

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I’m not normally one for the conspiracy theories, but there's a documentary on BBC2 about covid.

2 guys from the Wuhan research centre, where Trump suspects it was engineered, were due to get on Flight MH370 that miraculously disappeared.
Seems they were the guys behind the development of the new strain, and intending to use it as a weapon, someone caught wind of their plans and purposefully downed the plane. Neither of them got on the flight though. It’s really interesting. Have a look for it on iplayer, it's called two wongs don't make a flight.
 

spanky

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How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, they have no sense of humour but they are very efficient.
 

spanky

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With various tiers of lockdown in place and a national shutdown imminent, Halloween will not be as scary for our kids...

For a start, we won't be seeing my mother-in-law.
 

spanky

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The wife’s been complaining about getting blisters on her hands from using the broom...

I don’t understand why she didn’t just take the car.
 

spanky

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I bought fifty boxes of Oxo and Bovril cubes today...

Might as well stockpile like everyone else.
 
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