Spanky's thread

spanky

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My neighbour spent all day yesterday laying out turf in his front garden. Then last night someone stole it...

He’s back out there now, looking forlorn.
 

spanky

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Doctors should not call overweight patients 'chubby' or 'plus-size' because it upsets them...

It's not like they don't have enough on their plate.
 

spanky

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My wife's as fit as a fiddle...

albeit one that's been passed around the whole orchestra.
 

spanky

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Just been attacked by a ginger kid doing martial arts...

Turns out he was the Carroty Kid
 

spanky

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If scousers had any sense of irony, every boy born on Merseyside would be christened either Rob or Nick.
 

spanky

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My pregnant wife has hinted she wants to name our unborn son after a screwdriver...

I'm pretty sure that Flathead will get bullied at school though.
 

spanky

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Ok, I admit it. I've been drinking a lot of brake fluid lately.

I'm not addicted. I can stop anytime.
 

spanky

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The Mrs said she wanted treating for her birthday...

So I painted her with Cuprinol.
 

spanky

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My wife says she's leaving me because she's had enough of my toxic masculinity...

Or 'vindaloo farts' as she calls it.
 

spanky

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I released my own fragrance today...

No one else on the bus seemed to like it.
 

spanky

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I found a long piece of leather with a loop on the end, so handed it in to the police...

The desk sergeant thought it might be a lead.
 
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