Spanky's thread

[mickthestick]

I can't stop eating Pineapple rings cooked in Batter , the Wife thinks I'm just Frittering my life away

 

[Yorkieboy70]

 

[spanky]

My neighbour spent all day yesterday laying out turf in his front garden. Then last night someone stole it...

He’s back out there now, looking forlorn.

 

[spanky]

Doctors should not call overweight patients 'chubby' or 'plus-size' because it upsets them...

It's not like they don't have enough on their plate.

 

[mickthestick]

Called in the Chemists today and asked for some Viagra , the Pharmacist asked it I had a prescription ,I said no but I've got a photo of the Wife

 

[spanky]

My wife's as fit as a fiddle...

albeit one that's been passed around the whole orchestra.

 

[mickthestick]

The Triangle player has just retired from our Orchestra and I'd just like to thank him for every ting he did for us

 

[spanky]

I paid a carpenter in advance to make me a double bed...

now he's done a bunk.

 

[spanky]

I bought a dictionary at a car boot sale but when I got home I found it was full of blank pages...

I can’t find the words to express my anger.

 

[spanky]

Just been attacked by a ginger kid doing martial arts...

Turns out he was the Carroty Kid

 

[spanky]

If scousers had any sense of irony, every boy born on Merseyside would be christened either Rob or Nick.

 

[spanky]

My pregnant wife has hinted she wants to name our unborn son after a screwdriver...

I'm pretty sure that Flathead will get bullied at school though.

 

[spanky]

Ok, I admit it. I've been drinking a lot of brake fluid lately.

I'm not addicted. I can stop anytime.

 

[spanky]

I'd like to have children one day...

But no longer than that.

 

[spanky]

The Mrs said she wanted treating for her birthday...

So I painted her with Cuprinol.

 

[spanky]

My wife says she's leaving me because she's had enough of my toxic masculinity...

Or 'vindaloo farts' as she calls it.

 

[160642fishing]

I got run over by a rental car yesterday,it hertz.

 

[spanky]

I released my own fragrance today...

No one else on the bus seemed to like it.

 

[spanky]

I'd give my left bladder to be better at biology.

 

[spanky]

I found a long piece of leather with a loop on the end, so handed it in to the police...

The desk sergeant thought it might be a lead.