Spanky's thread

mickthestick

Hod job
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 9, 2004
Messages
4,805
I was in bed with a Lady friend when we heard a key go in the door , quick she said it's my Husband hide in the Wardrobe .Well he comes in and goes straight to the Wardrobe , sees me and says who the bloody hell are you , quick as a flash I say I'm from the Council , there's been a report of a Moth infestation , he says but you're naked and I said the bloody little Barstewards
 

spanky

Irregular Member
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 28, 2007
Messages
8,942
I cant understand why Diane Abbott didn't run for Labour leader, she's like a Saint...

Bernard.
 

spanky

Irregular Member
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 28, 2007
Messages
8,942
My mate from work spent all his money on a complete sex change...

Now he hasn't got a sausage,
 

crackatoa

Regular member
Site Supporter
Joined
Jan 18, 2015
Messages
5,449
Two windmills are standing in a field. One asks the other "What kind of music do you like?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."
 

spanky

Irregular Member
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 28, 2007
Messages
8,942
Monday: Greg
Tuesday: Ian
Wednesday: Greg
Thursday: Ian
Friday: Greg
Saturday: Ian
Sunday: Greg/Ian

(Gregorian Calendar)
 

spanky

Irregular Member
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 28, 2007
Messages
8,942
What's the best number of Roses to give the girlfriend for Valentine's Day - 6? 12? 24?

Or the whole tin?
 

spanky

Irregular Member
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 28, 2007
Messages
8,942
"Don't go in there. Don't go into the church, you moron!"

- Me, watching my wedding video.
 

tonerain

Regular member
Site Supporter
Joined
Jul 16, 2013
Messages
674
Mr and Mrs Schofield are tucked up in bed on a Sunday morning.
They get a little frisky.
"Fancy anal?" she says.

They both roll over.

And that's when his problems began.
 

spanky

Irregular Member
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 28, 2007
Messages
8,942
Man United fans have welcomed the decision to continue the HS2 line onto Manchester...

so they can all get home to London quicker.
 

spanky

Irregular Member
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 28, 2007
Messages
8,942
I’m not saying that Liverpool’s a bit grim...

but there’s a guy on the market there selling fake Primark gear.
 

spanky

Irregular Member
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 28, 2007
Messages
8,942
Last night at the pub, somehow, yet again, I find myself sitting next to the nutter...

I'm going to start leaving the wife at home.
 

spanky

Irregular Member
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 28, 2007
Messages
8,942
I tried a bit of finger painting today...

I wish I hadn't bothered - it's taken me 12 hours to do one door frame.
 

mickthestick

Hod job
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 9, 2004
Messages
4,805
Wifes just been on the slimming world site and it asked her to accept Cookies , she's just asked me if it's a test
 

spanky

Irregular Member
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 28, 2007
Messages
8,942
I sleep better naked...

I just wish the passengers on this bus were a bit more understanding.
 

spanky

Irregular Member
Site Supporter
Joined
Aug 28, 2007
Messages
8,942
I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anaesthetic...

"Go ahead," he said, "Knock yourself out."
 
Top