Several Classics for you'r reading pleasure

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Newt

'Lures Rule!!'
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Note: these have been around a while but are well worth a 2nd or 3rd read if you've seen them before

Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....

1. I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blowjob? I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better. Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX

2. I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, l looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI

3. My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD

4. A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?" Diane E. Amov

5. Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident,and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

6. This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks... What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true story:

We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was suppose to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!



Newt Vail, Concord, NC. USA
 

Larry

Lazarus
Joined
Dec 4, 2001
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Hi Newt the're just my cup of tea i like storie's like that very good you just keep finding them don't you


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Anyone who stops learning is old.
Wether at 20 or 80.
Anyone who keeps learning stays young.
Cheer's Larry AKA as toma say's Shimano Man The Tackle Tart
 

Newt

'Lures Rule!!'
Joined
Jan 19, 2002
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Anybody whose raised kids can probably just imagine the "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" thing happening to them.

Newt Vail, Concord, NC. USA
 

alan edmonds

Regular member
Joined
Feb 23, 2003
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Hi Newt..well you had me laughing..my wife's off to bed right now and I'm having a couple of cans..the problem is when I got to the bit about pounding it in with a hammer, the beer went everywhere including over my desk, shirt and keyboard....it was worth it...............nice one mate, really good.

Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel emin..........Alan
 

ja4146

'ha ha!'
Joined
Jan 16, 2003
Messages
230
LOL newt. Funiest story iv'e heard for a while.

jea13

Go fishing catch fish!!
 

Steve

Regular member
Joined
Aug 28, 2002
Messages
295
roflmao.gif
Nice one Newty old chap

Fishermen have more fun than people do!

Steve
 
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