Roy the Rooster

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Stephen

Yorkshire is best
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This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes to his neighbor and asks him if he could buy a rooster for $100.

The neighbor says, "You can have this rooster. His name's Roy. He'll get all your hens pregnant. He's a real stud."

So the farmer takes him home and says, "It's your first day so take it slow, okay?"

The farmer puts Roy in the hen house and then hears all the hens crying and yelling. Roy nailed every one of those hens and then nailed a duck and a goose at a pond.

The next morning the farmer finds Roy lying dead with his legs sticking in the air and buzzards circling overhead.

The farmer says, "Oh Roy, did you have to die?"

Roy says, "Quiet! They're about to land!"
 

Isaak

alter Freund
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Jake Thackeray The Bantam Cock.

Jake Thackeray

He was a grand upstanding bantam cock
So brisk and stiff and spry
With springy step and jaunty plume
And a purposeful look in his eye
In his little black blinking eye

I took him to the coop and I introduced him
To my seventeen wide-eyed hens
He tupped and he tupped as a hero should
And he bowed from the waist to them all
Then he upped and he tupped them all again

And then upon the peace of my ducks and geese
He rudely did intrude
With glazed eyes and open mouths
They bore it with fortitude
And a little bit of gratitude

He jumped my giggling guinea fowl
And forced his attentions upon
My twenty hysterical turkeys
And a visiting migrant swan
And the bantam plundered on

He ravished my fantailed pigeons
And my lily-white columbines
And when I was locking up a budgerigar
He jumped my parrot from behind
And she was sitting on my shoulder at the time

Then all of a sudden with a gasp and a gulp
He clasped his hands to his head
Fell flat on his back with his toes in the air
My bantam cock lay dead
And the vultures circled overhead

What a handsome cock what a noble brute
What a way to live and die
I was digging him a grave to save his bones
From the hungry buzzards in the sky
When the bantam opened up one sly little eye

Then he gave me a look and a terrible wink
The way that rapists do
He said, D'you see them big daft buggers up there
They'll be down in a minute or two
They'll be down in a minute or two
 
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