Mysogyny and Me

Neil ofthe nene

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Next month I turn the ripe old age of 64, but fortunately don't feel it. I have been with my wife for 44 years and I was bought up to respect people. I also was bought up to protect women, hold door open for everyone, give up my seat for ladies and more importantly treat women with courtesy at all times.

I did grow up in an era when boys bowled overarm and women underarm...

I will never change my principles despite people, both male and female, of various "outlooks" trying to take advantage by the blame card.
And yet it was a woman that pioneered overarm bowling.
 

Neil ofthe nene

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The joys of insomnia ........ This may end up as one of my more epic posts - you've been warned :)

Related, sort of ........
I'll not see my 60th birthday again, but can confess to spending most of my adult life in the company of some very attractive women - usually much younger than me, usually alone for hours on end, and very often they would be wearing very few clothes. For my sins, i was a pro photographer, and whilst I specialised by working with some of the biggest names in the music industry (and dabbling occasionally with photographing some spectacular cars), my bread-and-butter work involved models, day in, day out, whether that be in a studio environment or outside on location somewhere - and that work took me across most of the hotter areas of Europe and as far afield as Africa and Barbados.
I explain this to illustrate how, and why, I was in such a position where a/ trust from these girls and women was absolute, and b/ I've likely got a much better insight into the female psyche than most (though will happily confess to still being totally confused at times)
Whichever way you want to cut it, where you spend time like this with people, which is based around a high level of trust (whether that be the fact they are barely dressed, yet comfortable in your prescence, or the fact that they may be relying on you completely as their own source of refuge in a foreign country), relationships develop, and certain doors open that would remain closed to most.
3 very general observations, the first one being that 'life', and society, is very different now to the way it was even as little as 15 years ago. Looking back, I can honestly say that there was never one single issue of someone pointing the finger of blame in my direction. Most of these girls / women visited repeatedly, which perhaps tells its own story.

NOTHING would drag me back into that industry now, despite the fact that after being out of it for neck-end of 15 years, I'm still approached even today, with offers of work. The difference? Trust - or, more specifically, the lack of it, and the expectation that someone always has a hidden agenda or ulterior motive.
The only way I could now safely work would be with either a chaperone, or CCTV looking over my shoulder, and both options would prevent me working to my best capacity ... and THAT sort of problem is now widespread across so many aspects of society in general. It's a type of poison, insideous, nurtured by every type of media, and omnipresent.

The second observation, which will probably come as a serious shock to most, is hideous, but perhaps goes some way towards explaining the general 'them'-vs-men battle that seems to rage constantly. People who trust you tend to talk, and that would often include stuff that they would never discuss with parents, boyfriends, husbands and mates.
I did this job for more than 20 years, often with more than one person each day - a bit of simple math will give you an idea of the number of individuals involved. What horrified me throughout were the number who spoke about sexual attacks and assaults in their past - partners, ex-partners, 'friends' and (even) family accounted for many more of these attacks etc than strangers ever did - and trying to get my head around what I was hearing, I tried to get some perspective, and attach a figure to these incidents.
Based on the number of people who opened up and would talk at length, and in depth, often over several days - and then trying in a very basic, simple way to extrapolate that data across them all as a group (they had 3 common facftors, generally - young, female, and attractive) - I conservatively estimated that between 25% and 30% fo them had experienced some form of sexual 'misdeed' that was still clearly having an effect on their lives, at some level :mad:

I'm aware of just FIVE of these incidents that were ever reported / acted upon, including one that eventually turned out to be a bit of friendly swapping of daughters between mates and families.............. it only came to light when two daughters, from different families, spoke to me independently and unknown to each other ... and the penny dropped :mad:
I'm absolutely NOT condoning this blanket accusation of mysogeny that seems to exist, and the rape culture that seems to go hand-in-fist with it, but I can sort of see where the origins may well be far deeper than we realise.

That said - the final observation - and observation based on actually being there / seeing it / sometimes having photos of the 'events', rather than speculation - is that women, particularly in groups - can be every bit as predatory as men, sexually, and just as aggressive in that pursuit, the main, very relevent difference being that they simply cannot compete with, and overpower a man in the same way that it might happen to a woman targetted by males.

I KNOW that is an extremely controversial statement, but remember, I'm relating now to stuff I've actually seen across the years, and education, social status and professional standing all went straight out of the window under these circumstances.
I'm not going to say anything that would incriminate an individual, but I've lost count of the number of times I've been approached early the next morning, by someone I know and respect, who has in turn been approached by someone else with a LOT of clout, suggesting / requesting (praying?) that particular photographs could be 'vanished'. On a few occasions there was the very specific request (to which I NEVER acceded) that said pictures were handed over.
Across the years, to that list of people 'asking' on behalf of others, I can add VERY senior policemen, High Court judges, barrister etc, a few serious, recognisable Media people - even someone who is now the current PM of a large foreign country(!), all trying to ensure, quietly and discretely, that incriminating pictures of wives, girlfirends, daughters, work associates etc, (or themselves!) never saw daylight.

To give it some perspective, I've seen women of all ages from late teens through to 40-year olds behaving in ways that would see men vilified at best, and probably arrested on many occasions - but it gets laughed off by these women and dismissed as high spirits etc by them as a group.
I think most men of a certain age will recall that salubrious newspaper, the Daily Sport, launched maybe 30 years ago now by a certain Mr David Sullivan? I'm sure you can also probably take a guess at what it was like to see the 'Sunday Sport Roadshow' performing live at your local venue? - These girls were NOT shy, and would do their very best to illicit appropriate, rowdy response from their male audiences. Most such audiences responded accordingly BUT they also behaved, undertanding fully that 'hand's on' would result in a very blunt ejection from the venue, likely falling down the stairs accidentally, at least twice, on the way out.
A similar situation - women watching the Dreamboys - would see the need for steel crash barriers between crowd and stage and a VERY blunt refusal from me to work unless I was absolutely, definitely, going to be on the stage side of the barrier. To be blunt, I've NEVER in my life seen behaviour from men that these women seemed to think was totally acceptable - and I'm not talking about any specific demographic here, or people who were paralytic drunk - it made little difference whether they were late teens / twenties, or well-dressed mums - most guys would be in total disbelief if they realised exactly what many of the women ACTUALLY get up to, if / when the 'dancers' look for a volunteer ... and the efforts they would make afterwards to try and get backstage.
TBH the high spot of such events was usually seeing some on them in the company of partners (allowed into the venue after the event) - and their faces when they recognised me, and knew what I had in the camera :)

Not really sure whether I've managed to get the points across and show a slightly different perspective, or simply bored people to sleep ........
I think you have expressed, from personal experience, more graphically than I can part of what I was trying to say.
 

TonyA

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Who said anything about being a rapist?

Being in power or of an elevated status provides more opportunity.
Glitter,Weinstein,Savile,Epstein being prime examples.
That's precisely why they gravitate to those jobs - that does not mean they are all deviants.
 

Foul hooked

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Personally i deplore discrimination in all its forms. people of whatever gender, race, creed, colour etc should be allowed to live their lives the way they want, providing of course that it is within the boundaries of legality and decency, and should not receive abuse of any kind for doing so. That also applies to the do-gooders, or wokes or whatever they are called, who seem to think that anybody who disagrees with them is somehow morally corrupt.
We all have our opinions and deserve a voice, however, there seems to be a massive imbalance these days, somewhat fuelled by the media and the PC brigade. If i were to go on TV/Radio etc and try to make the point that there are women out there who are blowing things out of proportion, or following their own anti-male agendas then i would be shut down and most likely be accused by them of being part of the problem as they see it. If i made a comment regarding a dislike for a certain individual because of their actions, who happened to have a different colour skin or religious beliefs to myself i would be called a racist by these people.
The world is a different place to what it was a even just a few decades ago, and whilst i am fully aware that in days gone by, women were often treated poorly by their male counterparts (and still are in many parts of the world) and that many atrocities occurred in the past. However, i am not responsible for the sins of my ancestors. Recognise these things, and try to make sure that the mistakes of the past are not repeated yes by all accounts, but why should i be made to feel the need to apologise for actions of those who went before over whom i had no control, or even knew? I have committed no rape, war crime or sold anyone into slavery, yet i feel that i am being accused, and found guilty of, such crimes simply by association due to my gender or heritage, neither of which i chose when i was born.
Those found guilty of rape, assault (sexually motivated or otherwise), hate crimes borne out of racism etc should be dealt with according to the full force of the law and deservedly so (whether the law is sufficient is another debate) but unless human society is to degenerate into an even more divided one than we have at present then we have to redress the balance somewhere along the line.
 

Sportsman

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I was a student nurse in the late 1960s, the only male student in over 300 females. Society was very different then, much more buttoned up without the constant reference to sex (you think? :D )
Because I was seen as one of the gang I was often privy to conversations between females of all ages and those conversations invariably turned to comparisons of husbands and boyfriends. If you guys knew what they were saying about you, you would never again show your face in public. :D
When said partners turned up to pick up their wives and GFs I often had to suppress a smile ;)
 

Total

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I was a student nurse in the late 1960s, the only male student in over 300 females. Society was very different then, much more buttoned up without the constant reference to sex (you think? :D )
Because I was seen as one of the gang I was often privy to conversations between females of all ages and those conversations invariably turned to comparisons of husbands and boyfriends. If you guys knew what they were saying about you, you would never again show your face in public. :D
When said partners turned up to pick up their wives and GFs I often had to suppress a smile ;)
You should have heard what them female nurses said about you Dave!:eek::unsure::whistle::ROFLMAO:
 

TonyA

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Mind you I'm getting fed up with this sex/gender argument.
Sex what you are born with - XX (female) or XY (male) chromosomes
Gender is what you choose to be surely.
 

Arry

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Mind you I'm getting fed up with this sex/gender argument.
Sex what you are born with - XX (female) or XY (male) chromosomes
Gender is what you choose to be surely.
Yup... me too.... I cannot be asked to be a bleedin mind reader when it comes to sexual preference/identity/gender choice... to my mind if you've still got a brooch and earrings yer a bloke, even if you're in a dress and makeup conversely, if yer a lass in dungarees and sensible shoes and haircut like Bob next door yer still a lass if you've got a muff... all this "I identify as" crud is just total b******s and folks being precious and "I wanna be different" cobblers... grow up fergodsake
 

TonyA

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Yup... me too.... I cannot be asked to be a bleedin mind reader when it comes to sexual preference/identity/gender choice... to my mind if you've still got a brooch and earrings yer a bloke, even if you're in a dress and makeup conversely, if yer a lass in dungarees and sensible shoes and haircut like Bob next door yer still a lass if you've got a muff... all this "I identify as" crud is just total b******s and folks being precious and "I wanna be different" cobblers... grow up fergodsake
And what does binary or non-binary mean ffs?
 

Arry

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And what does binary or non-binary mean ffs?
Zackley... load of old antiseptic eyewash from precious twonks who need a sodding good kick up the arse and told to straighten up and fly right
 

Trent_Fisher

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A little aside to illustrate how fragile our safety and reputation are:

I was called to work on the PC of a not unpleasant looking doctor in her office at the hospital. While I was sat there she pushed the door to, and said "You don't mind if I change into my scrubs while you're doing that do you?"

I froze. My mind raced through a million things in a nanosecond;

No, of course I didn't mind. I'm an adult.
But what if someone came in?
What if she's actually hitting on me?

Panic got the better of me and I said I was happy to wait outside until she had changed.

She huffed a bit and said for me to carry on working and she'd get changed in another doctors office, which she duly did.
I heard her ask him the same question and he nonchalantly agreed. Doctors see it all, all the time.

I did wonder afterwards how the situation would have looked if the sexes had been reversed.
Perhaps slightly related.

Going back 10 years I had started a new job, I was a fresh faced 18 year old with my first ever full time job. In the first few weeks of being there I was stood serving a customer when one of the more senior female staff members came across from another building. I’d never met her before and this was her first time seeing me, she needed to access something under the desk where I was serving and ran her hands up my leg and squeezed my thigh. It was all done as banter to try and make me feel uncomfortable whilst serving a customer.

I remember laughing about it and speaking to my boss about it who called her into the office and pretended that I’d made a complaint and HR we’re getting involved. I was called in and we all laughed about it, it didn’t phase me in the slightest.

Looking back now and thinking if the shoe was on the other foot. I couldn’t imagine a situation where that behaviour is appropriate, some of my closest mates are females and I wouldn’t dream of doing anything like that. God forbid if I actually did I’d be looking at the sack, criminal proceedings and who knows what else, rightly so as well.
 

Total

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Zackley... load of old antiseptic eyewash from precious twonks who need a sodding good kick up the arse and told to straighten up and fly right
Been a while since I've heard that!:love:;)

 

Pompous git

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Yup... me too.... I cannot be asked to be a bleedin mind reader when it comes to sexual preference/identity/gender choice... to my mind if you've still got a brooch and earrings yer a bloke, even if you're in a dress and makeup conversely, if yer a lass in dungarees and sensible shoes and haircut like Bob next door yer still a lass if you've got a muff... all this "I identify as" crud is just total b******s and folks being precious and "I wanna be different" cobblers... grow up fergodsake
Well said that man, Arry for prime minister.
 

Ivan heaphurst

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Men are Men, women are women. Both have their own talents in life, why then do women want and do play male oriented sports ?
Rugby, football, cricket,I mean are there any blokes out there playing netball ?
 

Flathead

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