MD's versus England invitation match

Dave Spence

MD virtual champion 2020. Golden Pie winner 2018.
Site Supporter
Feb 19, 2017
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the authors imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

In a humble cottage in darkest Yorkshire the silence was shattered by a telephone ringing shrilly, Winston went ballistic and launched himself from his position in front of the fire knocking over a coffee table and spilling Red Leaders Jack Daniels, over a pile of unpaid bills, in the process.

Gerrunder snarled Dave, trying to salvage his bottle from the pile of bills.

Winston took this as an invitation to play and, with his stumpy tail wagging a million times a second, dived in happily to help his beloved master.

Dave extricated his bottle and then picked up the telephone receiver.

If youre ringing to make me aware that I am entitled to a new boiler if I am on benefit, I will find you and rip your head off he growled ominously, Winston sensed the tone and slunk off back to the fireside.

Its me mate, Peter came the stuttered reply.

Peter who?

Your best friend Peter

Oh ayup mate, what can I do for you?

You remember the puzzle that was posted where you had to work out the positions of the people in a match said Peter.

Oh that one where we all had different coloured caps on, bloody stupid if you ask me said Dave

You couldnt do it either then mocked Peter anyway he continued Ive just had a call from Mark Downes; he thinks it was a real match and that the Maggotdrowners are publishing their results in code so that they can only be read by members.

Bloody pillock said Dave, inserting a straw into a fresh bottle of Jack Daniels.

The point is Dave, he reckons that MDrs are getting too cocky and he wants to pitch his England squad against the team in the puzzle.

Strewth exclaimed Dave that would be good publicity, might attract more avertisers. Tell him anywhere, anytime and then give all the people in the puzzle a ring mate; set up a meeting at your place

Thats seven phone calls stammered Peter can I claim them back from the MD kitty

No replied Dave firmly theres hardly enough in the kitty to keep me in JD without paying for your phone calls

Peter hung up dejectedly and then googled to see if a call to Scotland would attract international rates.

Half an hour later he had definite confirmations from Phoenixicus, Wise Owl and Breac to be at his house the following Saturday night.

He had also managed to book Breac in to an open match the day after to make the journey worth his while.

The following Saturday saw Peter, Dave, Wise Owl and Breac sat around Peters kitchen table waiting for Phoenixicus to arrive.

Foook me, its cold in here said Wisey have you got the heating on?

Its May exclaimed Peter

I dont give a flying fart, its still bloody cold said Wisey

Reluctantly Peter lit a candle and placed it on the table, happy now? he asked.

Wisey and Breac looked at each other in disbelief.

Wait till he makes the Tea said Dave, who had been here before.

As if on cue the kettle boiled and Peter poured out four mugs of boiling water; he then extracted a tea bag, with a tag on a string, from a padlocked caddy and solemnly gave each cup three dunks before returning the bag and locking the caddy.

Suddenly Winston and Albert started growling, barking and baring their teeth at the door.

Hello, hello said Phoenixicus

There was a strange hush as he came face to face with Wise Owl.

Shall we have a hug? said Phoenix hopefully.

Five minutes later he was rubbing at the welts on his neck.
Any more of that WO and youre banned from the site and wont be allowed to fish snapped Dave.

I was only showing him a Leeds handshake protested WO. Sorry mate he said as he and Phoenix shook hands.

Right then said Dave now that we are all here we can get started

Not quite said Peter the England team is six men so I have invited someone to make up the numbers.

Is it Dumdum? asked Breac hopefully; before Peter could reply Albert and Winston did their double act again as there was a timid knock at the door.

I couldnt help overhearing that last question and if you had taken the time to read my blog you would have known it was me said Neil of the Nene stepping into the kitchen.

Ah well, it could have been worse said Dave with a wry smile.

Not much whispered Phoenix under his breath.

Mark Downes has challenged us to a match against his England squad; we pick the venue and the date stated Peter

I think Lindholme said Dave.

As no one else had any ideas Lindholme was agreed and it was unanimous that the match would be fished in July.

Who are we fishing against? asked Wise Owl

Peter held up a piece of paper and read

Alan Scothorne

Hes a has been scoffed Phoenix hell need a nap half way through

Will Raisin continued Peter

He fluked world champion once and has lived off the reputation ever since muttered WO

Sean Ashby

Hes a decent angler said Dave; Breac nodded in agreement.

Des Shipp

Hes a thug whined Phoenix

Put him on the next peg, me and Albert will sort him out said Wisey

Steve Hemingray and Callum Dicks finished Peter.

Never heard of em said Breac

You heathen exclaimed Neil that is six of the best anglers in the country.

So replied Breac No one expects us to win so we have nothing to lose.

Thats true said Dave we may just pull off a surprise, I suggest a practice next week.

I will see what date we can get Bonsai for in July and let Mark know said Peter

I will take a laptop said Neil Mr Downes is sure to want to read my blog

Shut up Neil exclaimed everyone.

Tactics said Dave

Yes, we will need some said Phoenix

Any suggestions growled Breac

No, Im not a match angler replied Phoenix.

Even Winston hung his head at that and Albert covered his eyes with his paws.

Ok said Dave I suggest two lines, one at 10 metres for F1s and one down the edge for lumps

Sounds like a plan said Breac.

Can I just point out the importance of dotting your bristle down when F1 fishing said Neil. It needs to be right in the surface tension to be any good, I have some number 12 stotz that I have cut in half if anyone wants any advised Neil.

Ill have some said Peter, never one to turn down a freebie.

Right said Dave we will meet up at Lindholme a week next Saturday for a practice

In the meantime said Neil read my blog, I will explain how to use Vaseline on your bristle

Has the thought of fishing against England tightened your Budgie smugglers? asked Wisey.

So uncouth muttered Neil.

The meeting ended in disarray as the Drowners made their way home, all dreaming of future glory.

In the practice Peter found that the F1s were coming on to a maggot approach at 8 metres and he calculated that 50lb per man was possible as a target weight.

As he had been elected captain he made a round of his team to make sure everyone was ok.

He was especially impressed with Neil who, with his float barely visible, was bagging up on F1s.

You were right about dotting the bristle mate he praised.

Oh I cant see the float replied Neil I just count to ten and strike

Peter shook his head and went over to see Wise Owl. He was amazed to see Wisey shooting number 1 shot at a bean tin, on a bank stick in the next peg, with a black widow catapult.

What on earth are you doing he asked

Practicing feeding single pellets in case it gets hard said Wisey innocently.

Peter walked away; again shaking his head. On arriving at Breacs peg he was surprised to see that he was not fishing but staring at the Island facing him.

Whats up mate he asked

Just admiring the wildlife said Breac dreamily

Its like being a primary school teacher said Peter to Dave one is shooting tin cans, one cant see his float and one is bloody bird watching

Itll be alright matey said Dave optimistically and went back to reading the forum on his phone.

Peter stopped at Phoenixicuss peg; he had 18 Cadence rod and reels set up and was heaving huge lumps out of the margins on pieces of cat meat, This is the method mate he exclaimed happily.

Dont you read the rules, you berk he exclaimed all kinds of meat are banned

Phoenix looked crestfallen Ill have to try the pellet waggler then

We agreed on maggot on the pole said Peter starting to get exasperated.

I dont use a pole protested Phoenix I am a pleasure angler; I dont need a pole.

Peter walked away dejectedly; the match was a fortnight away and his little army were just not good enough.

Next episode..The Match
Will Wise Owl use the black widow? Will Neil get glasses, will Phoenixicus borrow a pole, will Breac turn up and will Dave tear himself away from his forum?
Let me know if you want the next installment and I will post it next week.


Red Leader
Staff member
Site Supporter
Aug 8, 2001
Absolute belting read Dave, can't wait for the next episode

Barking mad [:eek:)] [:T]


Regular member
Site Supporter
Feb 25, 2016
^^^ I was gonna say he needs to up his medication![:p][:D][:D]...Everyone knows Peter was sitting under his brolly platting fog! [:p][:D]
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Staff member
Site Supporter
Sep 18, 2001
Love it, brilliant Dave.[;)]

Now get your arse in gear, can't wait for the 2nd episode. [:T]

david white

Regular member
Site Supporter
Jan 6, 2011
good read mate, you certainly have a talent, not sure what it is mind, but I'm sure you have one
some of the subtle innuendos weren't, well shall we leave at ' not very subtle ' but some were very well disguised
great fun
great read
and dare I say it, looking forward to the next episode

Grappenall 57

Regular member
Sep 2, 2013
The England squad will be shaking in their boots reading this....can't wait for the next instalment when Grappenall 57 is brought in as bank runner brew maker and emergency reserve due to his having won a big canal open when he was sixteen......


Regular member
Account Locked
May 30, 2006
Brilliant there's either going to be a few egos inflated or severely dented,read my blog priceless.[:T]

Neil ofthe nene

Doing things differently.
Site Supporter
May 4, 2009
Can't wait for the film version. Neil of the Nene played by Stanley Tucci (well he is in every other film).


Regular member
Dec 18, 2014
Great read once again Dave. Your storys are addictive ! Get that book written it will be a best seller!


Regular member
Account Locked
May 30, 2006
Originally posted by Neil ofthe nene

Can't wait for the film version. Neil of the Nene played by Stanley Tucci (well he is in every other film).
Maybe Ian McKellen Dahling, definitely Danny De Vito for Owly[}:)]


Regular member
Site Supporter
Sep 12, 2014
Shame Marty Feldman is no longer with us he could have had a few parts in the film version.

Wise Owl

Regular member
Account Locked
Mar 29, 2015
Spot on mate [:D][:D][:D][:D] Can we have Ringrod as the bankrunner he could have some Blue makeup on his face and a nice skirt shouting Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom and cutting meat with a tennis racket [:T]
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georgie boy

Regular member
Site Supporter
Aug 11, 2008
Fook me, left out AGAIN, anyway Breac wont come south again cause its too COLD!!!!.


Regular member
Account Locked
May 30, 2006
Originally posted by Wise Owl

Spot on mate [:D][:D][:D][:D] Can we have Ringrod as the bankrunner he could have some Blue makeup on his face and a nice skirt shouting Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedom and cutting meat with a tennis racket [:T]
[:D] I see myself more as big Tam in a Tuxedo , mixing groundbait shaken not stirred.[:T]