MD v England........The Aftermath

Dave Spence

MD virtual champion 2020. Golden Pie winner 2018.
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the authors imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.


Red Leader opened his eyes from deep within the comfort of his duvet, he stretched luxuriously, eased his hand down the front of his, once white, Y fronts whilst simultaneously lifting his left leg and letting one rip. As he held his fingers to his nose there was a frantic scrabbling, his duvet appeared to come to life and a pair of watering eyes looked at him as Winstons head appeared from under the covers. Dave started to giggle girlishly as he saw, on the other side of Winston, his wifes nose start to twitch. The next second her eyes snapped open, her hand flew to her mouth as she desperately tried to bite back a gag reflex.

Morning darling choked Dave desperately trying to hold back his laughter.

Morning?!! You dirty, malignant little gobshyte, that is disgusting she snarled.

Winston whined, Mrs Leader put her arms round him, not you my precious she cooed consolingly, that dirty open assed so and so at the side of us. Come on lets go and have a walk before breakfast. Winston barked excitedly and started to raise his back leg; the look from RL made him pause, mid lift and lower his leg before scampering happily after his mum.

Left to his own devices Dave put his hand back down his pants to resume his morning scratch whilst reflecting on the events of the last couple of weeks. Since beating England a fortnight ago none of the MDrs had been able to fish, they had become household names in the angling world and every time they turned up on the bank they were mobbed by fans, either asking for autographs and advice or trying to steal oddments of tackle as souvenirs. They had also been kept really busy by the media; all of them had been interviewed by the angling press.

Pompous Gits picture had been seen by an, overzealous and nave researcher who, assuming he was in his late twenties, had invited him to take part in Alan sugars; The Apprentice.

Neil now had his own fan club, going by the collective name Neenies, who sported blue tinted contact lenses and fished with T shirts proclaiming:-

Neenies Grease Their Bristles!

His blog had become so popular that hed had to employ a PA to handle all the inquiries and he was in great demand as an after dinner speaker.

Phoenixicus had been invited to be the new face of Cadence tackle.

Wise Owl had been offered the position of tactical advisor to the Polish national squad and Dave had been invited to the states, by Bill Gates, to look at the latest technology to help with running a forum.

The icing on the cake, however, had been an appearance by the whole team on a Chase celebrity 6 man special. Wise Owl had turned up in full school uniform including, short trousers, cap and elastic snake belt. He then proceeded to create so much havoc, with his outlandish behaviour, that a certain female chaser, who resembled a cross between a tank and a prison guard, had taken him into a side room to show the little tyke some discipline as she put it. They emerged an hour later, the chaser with a self-satisfied smirk and WO with a grin that would need a plastic surgeon to remove.

Wise Owl, like Neil, also had his own fan club; going by the collective term Owlets they carried machetes and used foook instead of capital letters and full stops during conversation.

Pompous Git had contacted all of the squad earlier in the week and asked them to attend a meeting, at Peters house that evening; he had, hed said mysteriously, some stupendous news. Dave, however, had news of his own and he had asked the team to meet an hour earlier so that he could explain what he had learned before the arrival of PG.

All of the Drowners assembled round Peters kitchen table at 6 o clock that evening, Phoenixicus wearing a T shirt with his own picture emblazoned on the front and the caption Be like me; put your trust in Cadence, the tackle of the future.

Fook me said WO Id like one of those shirts mate

Ill get you one said Phoenix delightedly.

Thanks replied WO I can hang it on the shed door, itll deter the burglars

All the team cracked up and Phoenix muttered something about WO parents never being married.

Im not illiterate said WO indignantly and then wondered why everyone had cracked up again. Put the fooking kettle on Peter

I thought we would wait for PG before we had a brew stammered Peter nervously.

Get it on now, we can have another when PG gets here said Dave maliciously.

Peter reluctantly boiled the kettle and dived for the caddy before Carpmagic could get his hands on it. He was still having nightmares from last time, when CM had used a whole, new, tea bag for each cup!!

With a mug of slightly coloured water in front of each of them the team got down to business.

As most of you know began Dave I have moles in the angling press; what you dont know is that I also have one in our national squad

The Drowners looked at each other nonplussed, wondering where Red Leader was going with this.

I have been informed that, if we dont agree to a re-match the headlines in next weeks press will state that we are cheats

Fook me said Neil

Everyone looked at him aghast; they had never heard Neil use such language.

Blame him said Neil staring at Wisey hes rubbing off on me.

I am not!! spluttered WO I only like girls

What about the chaser mate said peter who was secretly jealous.

She had girly bits protested Wisey.

Dave banged an empty bottle on the table come on lads I need to tell you this before Pomp gets here.

The table quietened down and 6 pairs of eyes focussed on RL.
Mark Downes has been in touch with both the AT and the AM saying that we only won through cheating and that some of their team had been nobbled. The editors have agreed to extend the challenge on his behalf and if it is not accepted they will run the cheating story the following week.

We never cheated moaned Phoenixicus.

Des Shipp has spent the last 2 weeks in rehab, Callum Dicks is having counselling for recurring nightmares and Sean Ashby has nerve damage in his neck after Wise Owl shot him with a black widow said Dave, reading from a page of notes that he had made.

They cant prove that said WO.

The hospital removed a No 1 shot from his wasp sting and there is a video continued Dave taken by the French manager which shows the whole thing; Downsey is threatening to post it on you tube if we dont fish another match finished Dave bitterly.

I dont think we need to prove ourselves said Neil we have beaten them once, we dont need to do it again

What he said stated WO and fook em

Does the video actually exist? asked Neil

I think it does said Peter I saw a chap in a beret with a camera at the match

Lets put it to the vote said Neil all in favour of fishing again raise your hands

One hand was raised; Dave was thinking about the damage to the site if their gamesmanship was exposed and he would rather face a drubbing than risk his beloved forum.

All in favour of saying fook em said WO, 5 hands immediately shot skywards

That settles it then said peter thankfully, he was still dreading his phone bill from the last match and did not want a repeat performance.

Youve not voted mate said Peter to Breac.

You havent spoken at all since you got here; are you alright asked Neil.

That depends replied Breac, a strange glint in his eye

On what? said Carpmagic.

Breac turned a cold stare on Red Leader; you froze the Fishing Republic thread..why?

It had gone off at a tangent and had run its course replied Dave reasonably.

Balderdash retorted Breac. Dave looked at him blankly; he had no idea what balderdash meant. You stopped that thread because you were worried that FR would cancel their advertising account continued Breac.

Look mate, advertising is the life blood of the forum, if we lose the adverts we lose everything replied Dave.

So you are just the advertisers bitch scoffed Breac youve just lost all the integrity of the forum and I want no part of itI QUIT he shouted and stood up so quickly his chair crashed over backwards and several mugs of tea tipped over. Breac stormed out of the door slamming it behind him so hard that the foundations of the house shook.

The Drowners looked at each other in stunned silence; at least we dont have to drink the fecking tea said Wisey, looking at the spilt mugs.

Does this mean I can fish said Carpmagic; ever the opportunist.

I dont know, can you? teased Peter

What stammered CM who was not the brightest tip in the float box.

Take no notice said Neil and I, for one will be proud to fish with you he was of the opinion that the gangly young lad was going places and it didnt do any harm to form an alliance early on.

The conversation was halted by the arrival of Pompous Git, dressed in a pinstripe 3 piece suit, fedora on his head and pink carnation in his buttonhole he looked more like a CEO than an angler. By his side was a scruffy little chap in stained hoody and combat trousers.

Good evening gentlemen said PG thank you for being prompt he had no idea of the discussions that had already taken place. Where is Breac? he asked.

He quit for personal reasons said Dave

Youre in then lad PG said to Carpmagic, CM beamed.

May I introduce Mr Peter Drennan continued PG, indicating the chap at his side.

There was a murmur of greeting from around the table and the intrepid team waited for the news that PG had promised.

I think a little refreshment before we start, do you have any Earl Grey Peter he asked.

Only Typhoo said Peter apologetically.

That will have to do then replied PG.

Peter started to make the tea and PG looked at him incredulously One bag per cup please he commanded, and do you have a tot of whisky to put in it, it is rather inclement outdoors.

Im sorry, I dont replied peter cagily.

His wife, who was in the next room watching Emmerdale and could hear every word shouted, Darling, you have that 30 year old bottle of Bruichladdich in the back of the cupboard

I dont know what you mean shouted Peter horrified.

Maria walked into the room; PG immediately stood for a lady and raised his hat.

Ooh what a lovely head of hair she exclaimed before looking critically at her husbands balding pate.

Its here look she said, pulling a dusty bottle from the depths of the cupboard under the sink it was a prize from his last match win, hes had it for so long he must have forgotten it was there she told them.

The Drowners grinned at each other and licked their lips in anticipation.

That is too good to put in tea exclaimed PG; Peter looked at him with gratitude shimmering in his eyes. We will have a large tot each, as a chaser to our tea Peter was crestfallen.

Chaser asked WO excitedly

Whisky, you naughty boy said Mrs M, smacking him playfully on the back of the head, she had heard all about his exploits from Peter.

Pompous drained his glass and waggled it at Peter same again my good man he requested.

The rest of the group immediately followed suit and Peter reluctantly refilled their glasses and then stared despondently at the, pitifully low level left in the bottle.

Now to business said PG Peter?

All eyes turned to PD, who cleared his throat and said I liked the way you performed against England and I want to offer you some sponsorship. There was a hushed silence and Neil inadvertently squeezed Peters thigh; Peter was instantly transported back to his public school days and he squeezed back delightedly.
PD carried on I will supply a full set of tackle from bait boxes right through to our latest flagship pole, to all members of the team. I will pick up all bait bills for matches and practice as well as, reasonable, travelling and accommodation expenses. There ensued a stunned silence as the enormity of what they were being offered sank in. Most of you have already gained from the match, Phoenix has a deal with Cadence, Wisey is now linked to Poland, Dave has his forum and Carpmagic has his fingers in so many pies I want to lick them. That leaves Peter and Neil lagging behind, I can offer you 30,000 per year each, to fish exclusively under the Drennan banner; you will have to fish at least 2 matches per week and your contract will be reviewed annually.

The image of PD blurred in Peters eyes as they brimmed with tears of gratitude, and he leaned over, unprompted and refilled PDs whisky glass.

There is one condition said PD.

I knew it was too good to be fecking true said Wisey

The condition is; that you fish a re-match against England and put up a reasonable fight; Im not saying that you have to win, but you cant get drubbed.

No one spoke, they were all too stunned, PD went on I know all about the allegations of cheating and I also know of the video, this match has to be fished straight It was now obvious who Daves mole was in the England camp.

I think that conclude business said Pompous rising to his feet we will leave you to discuss the offer; come Peter, I know an excellent little hostelry where we can get some decent food and they serve an excellent claret. With that Pompous took PD by the arm and led him out of the back door.

I think we need another vote said Red Leader all in favour of a re-match raise your hands There was a whoosh of air as 6 hands shot up so fast they were invisible to the naked eye.

The rest of the evening was spent speculating on what the following year would bring, Dave dipped into the MD fund and ordered pizza for everyone and the meeting broke up in the early hours of the morning with the Drowners making their way to their respective homes in a state of euphoria.

The next day Peter arranged with Mark Downes that the match would, once again, be fished on Bonsai in a fortnights time; he had already confirmed with Neil that the breakfast would be free gratis again.

The following two weeks were a solid round of practice and all of the team, with the exception of Red Leader had took the time off work to concentrate on the match. The only changes, other than CM taking Breacs place, was the inclusion of Grappenall57 who would act as bank runner. This had been a popular decision as GP57 was an experienced match angler and had even won a canal match at the age of 16, ensuring that he could slip into the team at a minutes notice if anyone was unable to fish.

The final meeting of the Drowners was held the night before the match and Peter announced

We are fishing bread on the bomb

Whats the backup plan asked Red Leader

There isnt one; stick to the bomb replied Peter

Thats stupid snorted Dave we have to have a backup

Look Dave, all our practice, most of which you missed, shows that the bomb and bread is THE method, it may take the fish 4 hours to turn on, but that is all we need. Dont deviate, in fact dont even take a pole with you he warned

Dave looked helplessly at the others; what do you lot think

We have total faith in our Captain said Neil

The day of the match dawned bright and clear, the forecast was for a bright sunny day with a slight breeze. The Drowners turned up to the same reception as before, the speakers blaring out the theme from Rocky and the crowds excitedly waving their banners, the Neenies and the Owlets were out in force and everywhere you looked you could see T shirts about greasing bristles and fook being heard over the hubbub of the crowd.

The trade stands were, once again, out in force and were already doing a roaring trade; apart from one, which was deserted and under a heavy tarpaulin chained down and padlocked. There were even more officials from overseas teams, word had gone around and they were excitedly contemplating what the Drowners would get up to this time.

The Drowners started tucking into their free brekkies and Neil looked incredulously at Peter are you really going to eat all of that he asked, looking at Peters triple big breakfast.

Its free said Peter, through a mouthful of 3 sausages and a whole fried egg, as if that was answer enough.

The arrival of the England squad was met by the usual catcalls and boos from the partisan crowd and instead of the National Anthem, the speakers blasted out the music to the great escape, made famous by the band that accompanied the England footie squad.

In addition to Downsey and his anglers there were also 6 large chaps, dressed in camouflage one piece suits, with them.
They all went outside for the coin toss, Heads said Peter as Keith Arthur tossed the coin high in the air. Heads it is said Keith

I will let you choose said Peter magnanimously

Evens said Mark, unable to believe his luck; evens gave them an extra island to fish to.

The pegging was on the same platforms as before and once it had been sorted went as follows:-

1) Wise Owl
2) Will Raison
3) Red Leader
4) Sean Ashby
5) Neil of the Nene
6) Callum Dicks
7) Phoenixicus
8) Alan Scothorne
9) Carpmagic
10) Des Shipp
11) Peter
12) Steve Hemingray

The Drowners, with their simple set up, were ready in record time and they looked on as Sean Ashby donned a Chubby Brown flying cap with the leather sides let down to protect his neck. Alan and Will both screwed in earplugs so that they could not get drawn into conversation and Des Shipp, still looking pale and drawn from his time at the Betty Ford clinic played his subliminal tape telling him that he was in control of his own destiny and did not require artificial stimulation.

What was disconcerting was the fact that the men in the camouflage suits were standing ominously close to each odd peg, not speaking but exuding an air of menace, suddenly the speakers outside the caf blared into life with the music from Peaky blinders :-

On a gathering storm comes a tall handsome man. In a dusty black coat with a red right hand

The air chilled by a couple of degrees and even the breeze stilled, as Trogg with Georgie Boy sat on his shoulder strode through the crowd like master and blaster from Mad Max. The red right hand was courtesy of a local chancer who had asked Trogg for a 5 parking fee at the entrance.

Trogg rumbled up to the Camo man behind Wisey on peg 1.

Move he snarled

No came the reply.

Suddenly Camo mans feet were 2 foot off the floor as Trogg held him aloft.

Can I eat this one? he asked Georgie Boy.

Not yet replied Georgie; just put him back into the crowd but if he comes back you can eat a bit of him

Trogg flexed his arm and Downseys security man hurtled back into the crowd, surprisingly all the other security faded away and stayed in the caf for the rest of the match.

On the whistle 6 poles were shipped out and 6 bombs landed against the various islands. At peg 1 Albert whined across to Winston on peg 3, both of them had been subject to a new rule and were tethered by a 10 metre rope to ensure no repeats of previous behaviour.

Dont fret mate said WO we are playing this one by the book, you just relax and see if you can catch any rats.

At the mention of rats, Albert pricked up his ears excitedly and looked quizzically at Wisey. All right, a chew stick for everyone you catch said Wisey

Albert then commenced to clear every rat from his 10 metre radius semi-circle.

England started at a tremendous pace and after an hour were miles ahead of their rivals who had, in fact, yet to catch.

Red Leader sat on peg 3 totally bemused, he was staring at a static tip whilst Will and Sean were catching on a regular basis. The England squad had been rattled by the loss of their security which had been bought in, at great personal expense by Mark, to ensure no skulduggery, but as the Drowners seemed so subdued they had started to relax and fish to their potential. Daves bemusement was broken by the sight of Grappenall57 making his way along the bank pulling a huge silver cart; he reached Daves peg and asked Tea, Coffee?

Coffee please said Dave, marvelling at the contraption pulled by GP57. It was a state of the art coffee and tea machine with boiling water provided via a portable gas bottle.

Latte, Cappuccino, Americano asked GP57

Latte please said Dave

Seconds later Dave had the best cup of Coffee he had ever tasted.

By lad, thats good, keep em coming and I will settle up, for the whole team, at the end

Okay said GP you can see my partner he deals with pricing and finances

Whos your partner asked Dave

Trogg replied GP over his shoulder as he made his way to WO on peg 1.

Daves world crumbled as he realised that he would, for the first time ever, have to pay a bank runner.

After 2 hours Mark Downs made a quick tour of his team and ascertained that they all had at least 20 pounds of fish each, once satisfied he put two fingers in his mouth and whistled. At every, even, peg a barrage of floating casters was unleashed.

Every England man had a gallon of floaters and the instruction to keep feeding once they heard Marks whistle. The effect was startling, fish immediately started topping all over the lake and the drift meant that the floaters were going over the Drowners pegs and lifting all of their fish off the bottom.

One of the crowd asked Mark what he was playing at.
Tactics my friend explained Mark We knew that they were fishing the bomb and I decided that once we had 20lbs per man we could afford to make sure that there was nothing on the bottom for them to catch.

But youre spoiling your own swims as well said the spectator

Thats why we waited until now, they will never catch up, its what called a master plan

How did you know they would fish the bomb asked an AT reporter, notebook in hand.

One of their members defected said Mark smugly a few tenners soon got the info.

This conversation took place behind Red Leaders swim and he heard every detail.

Ill kill him he thought menacingly; he knew Breac had been upset but he never thought that he would betray them. He dejectedly gestured to GP57 for a refill and resigned himself to kissing their sponsorship deal goodbye.

In the crowd PG stood, resplendent, in his suit; whipping his fedora off his head and ignoring the gasps of admiration that went up from the crowd he waved it at Wise Owl.

Wisey immediately started to singCome fly with me, lets fly lets fly away he warbled in a dodgy baritone.

As one, the Drowners, with the exception of Red leader, produced fly rods and proceeded to cast single floaters towards the islands.

Pandemonium broke out we had this last time, its against the rules screamed Downsey.

I think you will find that its not said a familiar voice, Mark whirled round to be faced with none other than Breac, I sorted it out, with Neil, before the match, when I was giving special training to the Drowners and he made a rule change stating that fly gear is ok as long as it is a natural bait on the hook

Mark gulped you were a double agent he gasped

You didnt really think I would betray the Drowners did you?

But it was you who suggested feeding floaters to stop them catching on the bomb

Thats whats called a masterplan grinned Breac who had overheard the conversation with the spectator.

Mark lost it you dirty double crossing b*****d he yelled and pulled back his fist to plunge it into the face of the honorary Scotsman.

The next second his face contorted in agony as a vice like grip clamped on to his hand and he was rendered powerless as Trogg twisted him round, we dont want any unpleasantness sunshine, do we? then giving Mark a shake he let him go and watched as the broken man collapsed into a puddle of his own urine.

Can I eat this one Trogg said, hopefully, to Georgie Boy

This one would upset your tummy replied GB lets go and see GP57 and get you a Hobnob.

As they walked away they passed the mystery stand, which had sat all match under a tarpaulin, just as 4 smartly dressed young men pulled off the Tarp. A huge banner proclaimed Hardy Fly Tackle as used by the mighty Drowners. Within minutes they were inundated by wannabe Drowners buying the gear used by their heros.

Whilst all this was going on the Drowners were, through Breacs expert coaching, fishing like a well-oiled machine and the, self-sabotaged England team could only watch in anguish as pegs on each side of them caught fish after fish.

The crowd were going wild, but, on peg 3 Red Leader sat wondering what the hell was going on, he was not privy to the fly fishing tactic and was still fishless.

He looked at Winston what can I do mate he asked.

Winston cocked his head and through a mixture of barks and whines managed to get a name through to his master. RL took out his phone, accessed the forum and sent a PM to Dave Spence, it read:-

Hi Dave, I will give you a Hoodie and free site supporter status for life if I dont record a DNW. Love Dave.

Dave pressed send, his tip wrapped around and his rod was nearly pulled off the rest as a kamikaze carp hooked itself. Dave picked up his rod and the fish swam straight towards him and jumped into his landing net, shedding the hook as it did so. Dave put it into the keepnet and recast as soon as his bomb hit the water it went again and another carp was soon in the net alongside its companion.

The whistle sounded and the usual tense wait ensued, Peter sauntered over to Red Leader whilst they waited for the scales,

sorry for the deception he said

Im still not sure what happened said Dave

it was staged from the start, everyone was in on it, but we couldnt trust you

Why not

Because you cant bluff said Peter if you knew the plan you would have inadvertently let it out and there was too much at stake

The scales arrived and Dave weighed in 6 carp for 52lb 12oz, all caught in the last 20 minutes.

The crowd gathered around the caf entrance as Keith Arthur made the announcement

England 162lb 4oz

Maggotdrowners 712lb 13oz

The Drowners had not only won the match but they had annihilated the opposition through sheer tactics and skill and no one could deny that they had been wonderful ambassadors for the sport.

Can I make a correction there please asked Peter Drennan striding up to Keith. That should have been the DRENNAN DROWNERS!!!

The team were once again carried around Bonsai, Rodring in full kilt, with blue face, leading the procession and screaming freeeeeeeeedom!!!!

The celebrity jig carried on after they had been pitched in to the water and Peter once again looked for feeders on the bottom.

You dont need to do that now advised Neil we are sponsored

By god youre right beamed Peter and hand in hand they climbed out of the water and went in search of Peter Drennan.

Standing in the margins Dave found himself face to face with Breac,

Does this mean you are coming back?

Not sure replied Breac are you going to stop being the advertisers bitch?
 

Pompous git

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Dave, I am quite young looking for my age, I even get spots. Must have some strange
hormones methinks. Good read.
 

drw

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Bloody hell mr Spence where did that come from ?What an imagination I pi55ing myself![:)][:)][:)]
 

Scribe

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Cracking read, had me chortling [:D]
Dave Spence for Booker Prize Nominee 2018 ! All you need now Mr Spence is to write a play based on your novella and the West End & Broadway beckons ![:D][:T]
 

smartie

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thank god this a work of fiction,the thought of neil of the nene being real was frightening,great read reminded me of the late mike winneys up for the cup series,more please
 

georgie boy

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Steve, I'm due in hospital this morning and my sides hurt with laughing"Dam You",brill.[:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D]
 

Dave Spence

MD virtual champion 2020. Golden Pie winner 2018.
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Originally posted by georgie boy

Steve, I'm due in hospital this morning and my sides hurt with laughing"Dam You",brill.[:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D]

Steve? If you get my name wrong again you will not only be fishing the next match, you will also blank and be kicked off the venue for lewd behaviour with the chap on the next peg,[:p][:p][:p][:p][:p][:p]
 

rodring

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This 30 grand I can expect as official mascot of Drennan Team MD, will it be paid as a bank transfer or cheque? Some clarification on this would be appreciated as I have pre-ordered a new Volvo XC60 due to this unexpected windfall.
 

bryanh

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What a brilliant set of articles; as a former semi-pro photo-journalist, mainly writing for Anglers Mail back in the 1970s and 80s I can fully appreciate the time and effort Dave has put into these pieces. Don't know if you're like me Dave but I always found that writing the article (especially one as complex as yours) was the easy bit; researching and gathering all the relevant facts, names,dates,what happened previously etc was the difficult and time consuming part of the process. You are to be congratulated on a truly absorbing,comical ongoing saga which mixes fiction with facts quite brilliantly; I hope Peter Drennan, Steve Ringer and co have a good sense of humour.
Keep it up, lets have more please.[:D]
 
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