Joke of the day.

The Landlord

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I was watching the news about the stricken cruise ship when the Sky News presenter said, "She's lying on her side with a gash the size of a tennis court."

I just happened to glance over at the wife on the sofa and now it's all kicked off here!
 

Peter

'Mugger'
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A man walks into a bar. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little man, maybe a foot tall and a little piano. He puts them both on the bar, and the little guy starts playing Mozart as the man orders his drink.
The bartender says "I'm sure it's none of my business, but where did you find a little man who plays piano like that?"
The guy says "There's a genie outside granting wishes, I bet he's still there if you hurry."
The bartender runs outside, and moments later a bunch of ducks come in through the front door and start causing a big ruckus. The bartender says "You didn't tell me the genie was deaf, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
The guy says
Do you really think I asked for an eleven inch pianist?"
 

GeoffW

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1663950331401.jpg
 

Arry

Aitch, Cantankerous old gimmer with "Views"
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I just checked the inbox of my email account to find it full of the usual offers of penis extensions, viagra, hair loss remedies and how to lose weight quickly. I wouldn't mind, but they were all from my wife...
 

Dogbert

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Avoid the A57 near Worksop. A lorry carrying snooker equipment has overturned and there are cues in both directions.
 

Zerkalo

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Jul 4, 2019
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Woke up this morning. Looked in the mirror and said, "I'm a real go getter". Went to go getta cup of coffee.:p
 

Godber

.Nobice and inventor of W@nkles
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Just mashed up some Frosties and milk to fill the gaps in my tiles.......They're Grrrrrrout!
 

160642fishing

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Aug 12, 2010
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Avoid the A57 near Worksop. A lorry carrying snooker equipment has overturned and there are cues in both directions.
There has been a smash on the A142 near me,a lorry carrying nasal spray overturned on a roundabout shedding it's load,the police have said not to worry there shouldn't be any congestion.
 
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