Joke of the day.

tunna

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Jul 29, 2008
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890
Now now Jim and Mac, ya know I love ya.๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ˜˜. And by the way I have 36 Degrees here I'm leaking.
Glad to see your senses oh humour ain't gone the same way as the team.---Downhill๐Ÿ˜›xx
 

Peter

'Mugger'
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The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any undies?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's ยฃ20. Go and buy yourself some underwear."

Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she too is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman!
You've no undies. Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency,
here's ยฃ10. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"

Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie!
Where the are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any."
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says,
"Well, fer the love 'o Jesus, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit!"
 

Rich51

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One day, in the Biblical world, long after the great flood waters had died down, God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old china, I want you to make me a new Ark".

Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being, anything you want, after all - you're the guv'.

"But " God interrupts, "there's a catch. This time Noah, I want not just a couple of decks, . . I want 20 decks one on top of the other."

"20 DECKS!", screams Noah, and after a while continues,

"Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I fill it up with all the animals just like last time?"

"Yep, that's right, well . .. sort of right . . this time I want you to fill it up with fish", God answers.

"Fish?", queries Noah.

"Yep, fish . . well, to make it more specific Noah, I want Koi carp - wall to wall, floor to ceiling - Koi Carp!"

Noah looks to the skies. "OK... God my old mucker, let me get this right, you want a New Ark?"

"Check",

"With 20 decks, one on top of the other?".

"Check".

"And you want it full of Koi?"

"Check"

"Excuse me, me old fruitbat; do you mind if I ask why?" asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly getting increasingly worried about either the sanity of God or his own hearing..

"Dunno", says God,

"I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark".
 

gingert76

Cebu, Philippines
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Dec 3, 2002
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4,891
1660548965683.png
 

Rich51

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There was a HUGE paddle sale at my local boat shop today.
It was quite an oar deal.
 

gixer 13

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Sep 10, 2007
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The busty dealer at the casino was a part time prostitute now that was an whore deal
 

Peter

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The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican , and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.
Grumpy leads the pack.
'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?'
Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome ?'
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome .'

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.
Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.
Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe ?'
The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe .

'This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.
Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.
Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?'
The Pope, really confused by the questions says, 'I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.'

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......

'Grumpy slept with a penguin!'
'Grumpy slept with a penguin!'
 

warrington63

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Man Utd are reported to be looking at signing 35 year old Jamie Vardy from Leicester City ..



Talk about kicking a man when he's down .
 

muskrat

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Oct 26, 2004
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A man's sister-in-law tells him that her sister (his wife) told her that he lets off really loud and smelly farts in his sleep.
The man laughs and laughs so hard he ends up clutching his sides with pain.
"I don't think it's that funny!" she chided. "Nor do I" said the man through his laughter.
"It's the fact that she thinks I'm asleep ! "
(y)
:ROFLMAO:
 
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