Joke of the day.

Stewie74

Making it up as I go along…..
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1652295260495.jpg
 

Godber

Fruity Susan, Nobice and Inventor of W@nkles.
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Snail slid into a pub, up onto the bar and says "Pint of lager please". The barman picked up the snail, walked out the door and chucked the snail into a field.
Two years later the snail slid into the pub again, up onto the bar and says "What you do that for?"
 

Dave Spence

MD virtual champion 2020. Golden Pie winner 2018.
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This one is a tragic sign of the times.

A headmaster walked into a class of 10 year olds and said “we have found a condom, a spliff and a pornographic magazine behind the radiator, does anyone know anything about this?”

A little girl raised her hand and asked “please sir, what’s a radiator?”
 

RedhillPhil

Computers verified, riots quelled, wars started.
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Three women having afternoon tea in an upmarket hotel. They're comparing their men's sexual performance using cars as an analogy.
First woman states , "my man is like an open top sports car. A Loud, rough and exciting ride".
Second woman states, "my man is like a Bentley saloon. A Smooth comfortable quiet ride".
Third woman states " my man is like one of those London to Brighton old crocks. Once a year, has to be started by hand and not sure if he'll finish".
 

Dave Spence

MD virtual champion 2020. Golden Pie winner 2018.
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11,859
Three women having afternoon tea in an upmarket hotel. They're comparing their men's sexual performance using cars as an analogy.
First woman states , "my man is like an open top sports car. A Loud, rough and exciting ride".
Second woman states, "my man is like a Bentley saloon. A Smooth comfortable quiet ride".
Third woman states " my man is like one of those London to Brighton old crocks. Once a year, has to be started by hand and not sure if he'll finish".
Ouch😥
 

Godber

Fruity Susan, Nobice and Inventor of W@nkles.
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My wife said she's moving out because I keep making silly puns about her dark yellow oven glove.

However, I wasn't expecting to wake up this morning and find her gone, I mustard mitt...
 

TrickyD

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A guy sits down in a restaurant and orders a bowl of chili.

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl".

He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"

The other guy says, "No. Help yourself".

He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too".
 
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