Joke of the day.

Stewie74

Making it up as I go along…..
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1639566928611.jpg
 

Peter

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The other half was in the kitchen cooking bacon and eggs when I suddenly hear a loud thud.
Running in I found her collapsed on the floor not breathing, I was in a blind frenzy, I had no idea what to do!
Then I remembered, Wetherspoons do an all day breakfast for £3.99!
 

Peter

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The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my grandpa's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
 

rudd

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The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my grandpa's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
During lessons, Teacher asked the class to use the words 'Timbuktu ', their best friends name and to include an activity in a descriptive sentence.
Johhny wont have the guile to come up with some smart arse comment this time she thought.

All the kids stared at her blankly apart from little Johhny, fidgeting about with excitement with his hand straight up in the air.

Oh god thought the teacher, theres no possible way he could cause degradation in class and make me look a fool again is there?

Molly, Sally, come on, please come up with a sentance - she thought to herself.

Silence, apart from Johhny - 'Miss, Miss, I can make a sentence' he said with a big grin on his face.

'Tim, you had your hand up didnt you?' She asks Tim sitting next to Johhny.

'No Miss, but Johhny has his hand up' says Tim with a wink in the direction of his best mate.

'Oh go on then Johhny ' she said with dread, pulling out a chair to sit on in readiness for the forthcoming outburst;

"Me and Tim went down to Kent"

"We met three women, in a tent"

"We didnt know quite what to do"

"So I bonked One and Tim bonked Two"
 

Rich51

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Prince Charles was really looking forward to the royal family get together this Christmas until the queen cancelled it,
This year she really let her heir down
 

Rich51

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I've started using garlic in my magic act, first I crush it then i add pine nuts and basil and blend it with parmesan and olive oil and finally hey.......pesto
 

Dave

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Coming home from visiting some friends the other night my wife asked me to park the car in the driveway for her.
Admittedly, it is a bit of a tight fit.
After I'd done it, she asked me,
"How on earth did you do that?"
I decided to let her in on my little secret.
"There's a small mark that I painted on the wall over there"
I then pointed out the mark to her.
Then I explained that I just back up until that mark lines up with the left-hand wing mirror.
At that point, I simply turn the steering wheel sharply over to the right and continue on and the car fits in perfectly.
"Understand?" I asked.
"No," She said,
"How did you make it go backwards?"
 
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