Joke of the day.

RedhillPhil

Computers verified, riots quelled, wars started.
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OK, I've decided to let you all in on the world's funniest joke and one that no woman in the world will not laugh out loud at.

It's early 1964. The local hall has a "pop" group banging out covers. The girls are on the floor dancing around their handbags on the floor, the boys are scattered around the edges drinking shandy and leering at the girls. Finally, with the end of the dance in sight one jack-the-lad decides to chance his arm and joins a disinterested group of girls on the floor.
"Awright gewls" he asks.
"I 'spose so" comes the disinterested replies.
He looks at the most interesting looking one. "wanna lift home I've got me motor ahtside".
"That's very kind of you but I must warn you that I'm on my menstrual cycle".
"That's awlright doll, you can put it in the boot".
 

Godber

All gone floppy.
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OK, I've decided to let you all in on the world's funniest joke and one that no woman in the world will not laugh out loud at.

It's early 1964. The local hall has a "pop" group banging out covers. The girls are on the floor dancing around their handbags on the floor, the boys are scattered around the edges drinking shandy and leering at the girls. Finally, with the end of the dance in sight one jack-the-lad decides to chance his arm and joins a disinterested group of girls on the floor.
"Awright gewls" he asks.
"I 'spose so" comes the disinterested replies.
He looks at the most interesting looking one. "wanna lift home I've got me motor ahtside".
"That's very kind of you but I must warn you that I'm on my menstrual cycle".
"That's awlright doll, you can put it in the boot".
Awful 🤣
 

Yosemite Sam

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OK, I've decided to let you all in on the world's funniest joke and one that no woman in the world will not laugh out loud at.

It's early 1964. The local hall has a "pop" group banging out covers. The girls are on the floor dancing around their handbags on the floor, the boys are scattered around the edges drinking shandy and leering at the girls. Finally, with the end of the dance in sight one jack-the-lad decides to chance his arm and joins a disinterested group of girls on the floor.
"Awright gewls" he asks.
"I 'spose so" comes the disinterested replies.
He looks at the most interesting looking one. "wanna lift home I've got me motor ahtside".
"That's very kind of you but I must warn you that I'm on my menstrual cycle".
"That's awlright doll, you can put it in the boot".
You’ll be getting a reputation like @Godber with jokes like that.🤣🤣
 

Godber

All gone floppy.
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Wifey asked me what was doing on the computor
"looking for flights love" l replied.
Her eyes lit up and she proceeded to give me the best bl*w job l've ever had and l didn't even know she like darts.
 

Godber

All gone floppy.
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What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
 

Godber

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There was a knock at the door! I looked out and there was a man standing there shivering and teeth chattering! I thought that’s a cold caller!
 

Godber

All gone floppy.
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I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend this morning who called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around.
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "old magic".

"Wow!" I was flabbergasted.

"I don't know if I could keep pace with you now", I said, "I'm a bit older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have."
She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge".
"Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.

She teased me saying that tubby, gray haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.

Anyway, she giggled and said, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"

So I told her to f*ck off.
 

Total

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I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend this morning who called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around.
We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together.
I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "old magic".

"Wow!" I was flabbergasted.

"I don't know if I could keep pace with you now", I said, "I'm a bit older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have."
She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge".
"Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly.

She teased me saying that tubby, gray haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.

Anyway, she giggled and said, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"

So I told her to f*ck off.
^^ You old smoothie you!:love::p:ROFLMAO:
 

Godber

All gone floppy.
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David Beckhams son has been told he will play his first game for his new club and asks the coach whats his shirt number, coach replied
"Wear four out there Romeo"
 

smiffy

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A blonde and a brunette went shopping together.
The brunette turns round and says “Christmas is on a Friday this year”.
“Is it?” Says the blonde “ I hope it’s not the 13th”
 
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