Joke of the day.

Godber

All gone floppy.
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A cowboy walked into a saloon and ordered a whiskey. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"

The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.

"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.

"Well," said the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."

"Weird guy," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"

"Rustling," said the bartender.
 

warrington63

Exiled Northerner
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Teacher asks the class to name things ending in tor and eats things.
Sally puts her hand up and says
" Alligator"
The teacher says "very good Sally that's a big word and it eats things"
Nathan puts his hand up and says
"Predator"
" Vert good Nathan" says the teacher, " Another big word ,and it eats things"
Johnny puts his hand up and says
" Vibrator"
After nearly falling off her chair the teacher says "That's a big word Johnny but it doesn't eat things"
"It does Miss" says Johnny. " My sister has one and says it eats batteries like there is no tomorrow"
 

Peter

'Mugger'
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A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night

The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating, I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears. 'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses The words were not coming easily.
'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car'
'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years'
'I remember that, too' she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten out today."
 

Rich51

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Jun 9, 2010
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My friend was told to dance even though she was suffering from concussion
I thought she would be annoyed but she told me that it was all in a dazed twerk
 

Godber

All gone floppy.
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Paddy's wife never orgasms during sex so they go to see the doctor.
"l think your wife is getting too hot during sex, buy a fan to keep her cool"
Not wanting to spend money on a fan he asks his mate Mick to waft a towel over them whilst they have sex. After 30 minutes Paddy's wife still hasn't had an orgasm.
"Here Mick, you have sex with the wife and i'll waft the towel over you both"
Mick agrees and within minutes Paddy's wife is screaming with pleasure and having orgasm after orgasm, Paddy turns slowly to his mate and says
"Now that Mick is how you waft a towel"
 
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