Joke of the day.

TrickyD

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I just spent £200 renting a limo when I found out that does not include the driver.

I can’t believe I spent all that money with nothing to chauffeur it.
 

The Landlord

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A line of nuns appear at the gates of heaven & are greeted by St Peter.

St. Peter says "A question before you enter, Ladies" & turns to Sister Anne. " Have you ever touched a todger, Sister Anne?"
Sister Anne replies that she has once, but only with the tip of her finger. St Peter says "No problem...dip your fingertip in that holy water & you shall be cleansed & may enter".

He asks the same question of Sister Joan, who replies "Only once with the palm of my hand". St peter says "Wash your palm in that holy water & you shall be cleansed and may enter".

He then spots Sister Agnes pushing to the front of the queue & says "Why the rush Sister?". Sister Agnes replies "If I've got to gargle with that stuff, I'm making sure I get there before Sister Bridget washes her arse in it"
 

Silver fan 82

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A line of nuns appear at the gates of heaven & are greeted by St Peter.

St. Peter says "A question before you enter, Ladies" & turns to Sister Anne. " Have you ever touched a todger, Sister Anne?"
Sister Anne replies that she has once, but only with the tip of her finger. St Peter says "No problem...dip your fingertip in that holy water & you shall be cleansed & may enter".

He asks the same question of Sister Joan, who replies "Only once with the palm of my hand". St peter says "Wash your palm in that holy water & you shall be cleansed and may enter".

He then spots Sister Agnes pushing to the front of the queue & says "Why the rush Sister?". Sister Agnes replies "If I've got to gargle with that stuff, I'm making sure I get there before Sister Bridget washes her arse in it"
Very good!
 

Stokie

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A line of nuns appear at the gates of heaven & are greeted by St Peter.

St. Peter says "A question before you enter, Ladies" & turns to Sister Anne. " Have you ever touched a todger, Sister Anne?"
Sister Anne replies that she has once, but only with the tip of her finger. St Peter says "No problem...dip your fingertip in that holy water & you shall be cleansed & may enter".

He asks the same question of Sister Joan, who replies "Only once with the palm of my hand". St peter says "Wash your palm in that holy water & you shall be cleansed and may enter".

He then spots Sister Agnes pushing to the front of the queue & says "Why the rush Sister?". Sister Agnes replies "If I've got to gargle with that stuff, I'm making sure I get there before Sister Bridget washes her arse in it"
Stolen from LBC...?
 

160642fishing

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A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon hearing this, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
She was released from the hospital but while crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by a car.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years?! Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that car?"
God replied, "I didn't recognize you."





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Godber

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LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
introducing a brand new band
THE SUBTRACTIONS......

TAKE IT AWAY
 
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