Is Fighting the Only Way?

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ed2

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Hi guys. I am in need of a bit of a rant and a bit of advice here.

Basically, last year at the college my girlfriend and I attend I was very badly bullied by the lads in the group for being 'gay'. It got so nasty that the police had to get involved because there were malicious texts and voicemail messages being sent to me so frequently.

I have been out clubbing with my girlfriend and a group of lads would not leave me alone all night for no obvious reason. I had been out with my sister, her fiance, her fiance's brother and partner and my girlfriend and my girlfriend and I had stayed out once they left. After around 3 hours of them refusing to leave me alone I turned around and simply pushed a lad away from me who physically tried to pull me away from my girlfriend. Next thing he smacks me one and I end up in hospital with a query fractured jaw.

Tonight I went out to the pub where I work with my girlfriend and two of her (very attractive) female friends. Straight away a large group of lads started giving me comments about my shirt I was wearing with one coming over and saying how 'gay' it was. It was a simple tshirt with a button undone on it, like the ones in fashion at the moment. Just completely plain black. I was sat with three girls at the time yet several comments were shouted across the pub at me such as 'Hey Ed, Rob wants to know if you push back?'. Just for information sake, one of the lads involved is a colleague and one of the other lads is my manager at the pub!!

There were many of the older residents who were looking disgusted by them and one even approached me and the girls I was with and said 'just be warned that there are enemies around you and they just seem to be jealous because you're with three girls and perhaps it would be better if you slipped away and sat outside for a while'. He is a nice chap and he has a lot of time for me and likewise since I work on the bar.

To be honest with you, I just got up and we left the pub without causing too much of a scene and they laughed at us. We went to another pub for 10 minutes and then decided to drive to the pub a few miles up the road where they have a nice lounge area to sit in. However when I was heading back to the car to move on to the next pub, the manager and a lad called Rob were just coming out with a rope, obviously to find me because they said 'oh s**t he'll lock himself in his car before we catch him'. I just said 'I won't do anything of the sort but f*ck off because I've had enough'.

The thing is, I don't want to fight and if I get in trouble my Paramedic career is out of the window, but I am so sick and tired of being victimised and being hailed a gay, despite being the only person in all there situations who is going out with a girl??

WTF is there problem and what should I do? The way I feel I want to hand in my resignition at the bar and tell them to swivel because I'm not going to take that sort of rubbish from them!


Thanks,

Ed
 

powertop2

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Yes, sometimes you just have to give someone a dig. The more you keep walking away the more pillock your going to get as they see you as a soft target.
Get one of them 1 on 1 and steam him. Then same with the other.

Or ask them if they are in denial as your always with some quality gash getting your end wet and they are always together....
 

Chavender

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the simple solution (& smart thing too do ) is too do just that ,(but i'd recommend finding another job first) ,in today society all fighting will get you is a criminal record ,and they just ain't worth it .

me i'd do the stupid thing (yet again ,having poor impulse control ) i would of battered them ,at the first instance they tried too bully me and probably reget the rest of my life i'd screwed up my chances of a carrier as a paramedic for a moment or two of self gratification for beating them too a pulp .
 
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Genus9

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Wait till the biggest one goes for a mick on His own and simply walk in the bog behind Him, grab the back of His head and smash His face into the wall,

This is what My Dad told Me to do with the twit that had an affair with My wife, I did and it broke His nose and made a right mess of His face,

He got the old bill involved but nothing came of it because there were no witnesses. [:D]

Alternativly, whack the one with the biggest gob in a dark alley way but make sure there's no witnesses. [;)]
 

welshwingnut

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Originally posted by ed2

Hi guys. I am in need of a bit of a rant and a bit of advice here.

Basically, last year at the college my girlfriend and I attend I was very badly bullied by the lads in the group for being 'gay'. It got so nasty that the police had to get involved because there were malicious texts and voicemail messages being sent to me so frequently.

I have been out clubbing with my girlfriend and a group of lads would not leave me alone all night for no obvious reason. I had been out with my sister, her fiance, her fiance's brother and partner and my girlfriend and my girlfriend and I had stayed out once they left. After around 3 hours of them refusing to leave me alone I turned around and simply pushed a lad away from me who physically tried to pull me away from my girlfriend. Next thing he smacks me one and I end up in hospital with a query fractured jaw.

Tonight I went out to the pub where I work with my girlfriend and two of her (very attractive) female friends. Straight away a large group of lads started giving me comments about my shirt I was wearing with one coming over and saying how 'gay' it was.

Ed

The shirt might be gay looking etc but in this situation you have to think a little quicker , when you were leaving the pub just walk over nice and calm and say sorry lads i have to go as they all want to tare my shirt off and have my body , leave it at that and off you go .

As for the manager instigating trouble then hes just a knob he should not be in the position of managment , report him .
 

badpegpicker

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Fighting is rarely the "answer", as in this day and age, it can cause you much more grief in the long run[:(]

Be careful, cos with the introduction of these bloody CRB's, the slightest mishap is with you for a very long time, and it can affect your career further down the line, and also now.

My step daughter has recently found out the hard way.

Many years ago when she was a kid, she was a right handful, and now, it has caught up with her, and her career in the care industry is in jeopardy because of it.

She has kept herself to herself since she left school, but even so, the CRB has brought up little things that they now take into account, but they dont take into account the fact that she is bloody good at her job.[:(]


Ed,

Is it possible to move to another area, even if its just a few miles away?
I know work is hard to come by, but there are always other pubs and clubs looking for part time staff.
Talking of which, this manager that is obviously part of the problem should be reported to the owners/brewery for bullying.
Its the sort of thing that is taken very seriously at work these days, so dont think it will fall on deaf ears.[;)]

Sound the Police out about the incident with the rope too!!!
That, to me, is VERY serious[:(!]

Im not sure about your college situation, as Ive not been there myself, but is it possible for you to transfer to another out of the area, and still carry on with the courses you are on?

I know it sounds extreme, but it may be the best soloution.
Theres no point putting your career (which, by the way, is a very commendable one[:T]) at risk just cos you lose your cool one night and end up in the ****e, and lose everything you have worked so hard for.

I think we have all suffered some form of bullying in our time, whether it be for being too short, too tall, too thin, too fat, skin colour.........the list is endless.


Take a step back mate.

In the end, it sounds to me that they are just jealous that you are able to surround yourself with women[:p]

And also the fact that you have a steady girlfriend, which they probably dont. [;)]



Anyway,

They obviously have some sort of latent homosexual urges themselves which they are finding hard to deal with, so feel the need to take their frustrations out on others[:p][:p]


I hope you manage to get through this without the need for violence Ed.[:T]
 

Geoff P

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Just go up to them and say, "I may be the only gay in the village, but I can certainly pull the birds"

Sometimes making a joke of things can diffuse a situation, if you show them you are getting wound up by their comments it will only encourage them.
 

Marvin Waggler

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However when I was heading back to the car to move on to the next pub, the manager and a lad called Rob were just coming out with a rope, obviously to find me because they said 'oh s**t he'll lock himself in his car before we catch him'. I just said 'I won't do anything of the sort but f*ck off because I've had enough'.

WTF is that all about mate, were there intentions to ****ing lynch you!!!??[:(!]

If that's the manager of a licences premises then I'd call the law mate.

Firstly if you don't want to fight and this problem doesn't look like it'll sort itself out then you have to at least be able to defend yourself.

If I was you I'd have a look a some local gyms with a BAG & GLOVE room or maybe a boxing club and enquire about some intense Bag work & or sparring lessons, this isn't about you training to become the new Rocky Bilbao, it's about learning to defend yourself if attacked. Trust me mate, after a month or 2 of training you'll have a base level where if you are started on you can at least give a couple of good digs back, THIS maybe all you need to put doubt into these idiots heads to start anymore, as they obviously can only pick on lads they see as being an easy target.

My kids will be having some sort of Martial Art, or Boxing training when they are old enough, even if they only do it for a year or 2, at least they can be confident enough to know they can defend themselves.

The only other extreme option is to get a couple of mates, go look for the ring leader, and give him a good slap.

You always come across as being a nice lad Ed, who doesn't deserve this, and this sort of bullying mickes me right off.
 

kevb

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surely there is a case of victimisation , contact acast and explain you feel as your being bullied and forced out of your job . get your friends and other customers that have heard the bullying to make a statemant , then take them to the cleaners for compensation .

then go back a few months later and smash fook out of them ......i dont encourage violence (anymore) but sometimes it is the only language bullys seem to understand ......

good luck in which ever way you decide to take
 

scoobydoo61

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Inmy experience bullies never do anything when their on their own, always somebody to back them up., including fight. if your on your own and react to one of them chances are your going to end up with all of them on you at once. Gone are the days of a fair fight, just BE CAREFULL
 

carpmagic

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The other point worth making is that if they think they are getting to you then they will just carry on, as has been said make a joke of it. If you had walked out with your arm round two girls and given them a wink and said see you later lads that would have shut them up! Either that or as has also been said get the ring leader on his own, you can guarantee he wont be so full of himself without his mates.
 

garethevans1986

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I tend to throw insults back....

a few good ones for you...

"well your mum didn't complain last night.."
"if I'm the gay one, why are YOU sitting surrounded by men?"

Sometime humiliating them in front of their mate is what you want as they will soon turn on their own mate and the heat will move off you.

Bullies are like they are because of their own short comings.

GE
 

Col7777

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I think the rope thing might have been to pull your pants down and tie you to a lamp post or something similar, no it's not funny.

I agree about if they see it's winding you up they will do it more plus they are all clever in a group.
As already said, you are the one with the girl and this so called manager sounds a right nobhead, in fact they all do, and where has this calling you gay come from anyway?

I wish I could give you the answer as I hate bullies, also thought are they trying to get you to leave your job, may be one of their mates wants it?
 

crusty

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The threat of violence is often all it takes, but pick your time. Don't do it in the pub when they are backing each other up, get the one you consider the leader and get him when he least expects it. e.g. wait until your manager goes into the cellar and follow him, get really close, too close, grit your teeth and snarl... one more gay comment and I'll rip your f****** face off.

It does work, but say it like you mean it. The best I've seen was a thug of a bloke who had been tormenting my mate all night, he wasn't so big the next day in the post office queue when my mate went nose to nose.


Ian
 

The Saint

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Originally posted by garethevans1986


Sometime humiliating them in front of their mate is what you want as they will soon turn on their own mate and the heat will move off you.

GE

Got to agree with Gareth on this,had a similar problem with some knob giving me grief so just shot him down in flames with a lot of well chosen and hurtfull insults,as Gareth said his mates soon turned on him and don't hear a peep out of him now whenever i see him.[:T]
 

Col7777

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The comment Crusty said about nose to nose reminded me of one of my cousins, he was having a spot of bother from a neighbour.
He went nose to nose and had a word with him, this neighbour got the police to my cousin, the policeman said, I believe you threatend him, is that true?"
My cousin replied, "No, I had him a bet," I said, "If I get diagnosed Cancer in the next year I bet you die before me."
The policeman knew this other guy was a bully and a nobhead he smiled and said, "Well I suppose it was a kind of bet if you put it like that."
 

ed2

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Thanks guys, I'm not as wound up today having slept on it all and I've really been considering my options. The main ringleader seemed to be the lad who I work with (and went to school/college with too) who has been on occassions pretty alright with me when on his own, but he soon turns nasty every time he has a drink and a few friends around him.

I think my first option is to go to the Landlord who is a pretty honourable guy and just tell him that I felt bullied out of his pub by the behaviour of two of his employees and their friends. Following that I think I will wait until the ringleader comes in sober and have a talk with him and tell him what a tw*t he was and try to take it down the approach of being calm and collected. Following that, if he does it again I'll probably lose it with him.

I try to stay calm in situations like that and I had tried to joke back with them, but I found the problem was that as soon as I outwitted one of them, the other jumped in with a comment so it seemed to be a never ending cycle of comments flying back and forth.

It's just really aggravating since I am definitely not gay and I believe if I was, what's the problem? I suppose another option is that my girlfriend qualifies as a Police Officer in 2 weeks time and gets her warrant card.... hmmm... lol!

As for college, luckily that is something of the past and since getting the lad suspended for 6 weeks and having him removed from lessons with the group for the last 4 months of college following his suspension, we get on pretty well. The other lad who was behind the nasty messages was soon sh*t up by the police when he realised I'd involved them and reported it and again we get on ok now after about a year!

In town I put it down to pure jealousy at the fact I've been dancing with my girlfriend for 5 hours and at 2am they realised they haven't managed to attract a decent girl between them!

It really just beg the question of what the f*ck is to gain? One thing did make me laugh is that I got a text off the only one girl they were sitting with earlier saying 'hey eddie just ignore those lot being dicks. See you soon x' - quite funny when they all fancy the pants off her as well! Haha


Thanks guys, and as I say I'm going to take it up with the Landlord as my first option and see if he will have a word with the other two workers!
 

badpegpicker

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Ed,

Sounds like you have thought about it, and IMO, come to the right decision.

Keep calm, do it the right way, dont stoop to their levels.

They are after a reaction of violence,and thats what they will be expecting and hoping for.

If you go down the route of contatcting the authorities (I.E the landlord), this so called "manager" wont be expecting it, cos if he was half sharp, he would know and realise that what he is doing is basically bullying in the work place, regardless of whether you are working or not.

Speak to your boss, and tell him that you will be giving him say 2 weeks to deal with the situation, and that if nothing is seeming to be resolved in that time, you will be taking it further up the line of command to HIS bosses.

Dont worry mate, he cant sack you if you have a legitimate cause for complaint[;)]


Bullies are rarely, in my experience, particularly bright, so taking the "clever" course of action will be too much for his little brain to comprehend.[;)]
Dont warn him about it, just do it.[^]

All the best Ed,

I hope things work out for you soon[:W]
 

john83

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is your girlfriend very attractive? sounds like these bunch of bellends are jealous to me, why else would they target a young lad with his missus? dont know what to say mate, although they sound like a bunch of cowards to me, I'm not going to give you any advice as I dont want it to end up the wrong way, but imo the only way to deal with tits like that is to fight fire with fire. maybe start carrying a mini maglite on your keys you would be suprised what you can do with that [;)] and cowards are cowards, see them on their own and I bet they wouldnt say sh*t.
 
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