Depression

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Neil ofthe nene

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I have suffered with this for at least 40 years but in the last four or five it has got progressively worse and I am now on medication, and even that is not helping at present. One event that seemed to hit me hard was the death of my mother in law in 2018. And I didn't really like the lady, but the family stuff that surrounded the end of her life and dealing with her estate has taken its toll on me.

For anyone that thinks depression is just about feeling sad and is something you can “snap out of” by “pulling yourself together” then you are way wide of the mark. It is a horrible illness that ruins and indeed ends many lives. It is also wholly illogical. You know you are suffering from it but can do nothing to combat it. I have read that it is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. So it is something you have little control over. And medication cannot always solve the problem.

There is also a physical side that those who have never suffered it nor been close to someone who has will understand. Imagine trying to get out of a chair but feel that your legs and arms are tied down or tied to several pounds of lead. Doing simple mundane tasks seems like trying to climb Everest.

But there are things you can get up and do but these tend to be escapes from the reality of life. For me it is fishing. I can go and lose myself and forget about the 1001 jobs that need doing at home.

The mental side is the worst. Not being frightened by having thoughts of suicide. That is, if you are lucky and not totally overwhelmed. The acceptance of those thoughts as rational are a sign that you need to seek help. Unfortunately not everyone does. There is also the fear of doing simple things. Picking up the telephone to call someone you know you should speak to. Leaving envelopes unopened because you cannot face the possible contents. Fear of doing something and being criticised, so you do nothing and get criticised for that.

The strange thing though is that to the outside world, those not close to you, you can appear happy, normal and coping. Many people who suffer the illness can maintain an outward appearance that fools many. You hold back the tears until you are alone. I guess it is the pressure on all of us to appear “normal” and well adjusted. We do not want to expose weakness because that just gives people a lever, a chink in the armour through which we fear we can be attacked or ridiculed.

It is a very true saying that you should never criticise someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. In the case of depression the shoes can look sturdy, but actually they have no soles. It is not until you put them on that you can understand how painful each step can be. And may just explain why someone is unwilling to take even short paces towards a simple goal.

In writing this I have thought whether I am seeking sympathy or pity. The answer is no, I don't think so. I just feel the need to unburden myself, perhaps explain some irrational things I have done and I suppose shout at the world for making me feel like s**t and hating myself.
 

ukzero1

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I don't suffer from this, but my father did. He worked 2 jobs, one of those being 12 hours a day just to bring up my brother and myself and had nobody to help him through it. I think that's why he wanted me to take up fishing so he could unload the best way he knew with me for company. He tried explaining that it was like being in a crowded room yet you're still alone, bearing in mind I was only 10 at the time so didn't fully understand. Sometimes just unloading can take a strain off and if you feel like shouting, go ahead and do it. Even if it's only shouting at the fish for nicking you're bait, it all helps in the long run.
 

PAB

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I would think the worst thing you can do is not talk about it, you are not alone in your feeling which are perfectly normal I hope you talking about them not only helps you but others, lots of us who feel the same at certain times in our life. fishing is not all about huge catch's it is sometimes just good to be out there rebooting you mind.
 

Tinca Steve

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Hopefully talking about it helps you to clear your mind . Always willing to listen and help where I can mate. Don't actually know you or would recognise you in the street or at a fishery but I feel for you having been in a similar situation but friends helped me through it. Hopefully us being here on the other side of the screen will help in some small way. ?
 

Lee Richards

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You have always been very open about this Neil and I have nothing but respect for you in the fact you are not afraid to discuss it.
Just remember this,your words on the subject however trivial to some (or even in your own mind) may be enough to help someone who can relate to what you are saying and make their life a little bit better. And that is rewarding in it's self.
 

Zerkalo

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Getting back into fishing has helped me no end. I don't know where I'd be or what I'd be doing without it.

Having the right medication can help loads, as other mental health services aren't really up to much in my experience, but also important to take as much time to youself in doing something you like doing, in my case it's fishing, just the change of routine has helped me and I hope you get back to normal soon.
 

Barbelcatcher

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Neil, my sympahies, I can imagine what you and the family are going through.
I have a family member who suffered from this, anxiety and to some extent turned to alcohol to blot out the feelings. This only worsened the condition, until rock bottom was reached recently. The NHS was basically wait until we can see you in 5 weeks time. Recalling a conversation I had had with a colleague, I phoned his wife - a clinical hypnotherapist. All I can say is that the results were out standing. As best as I can explain it, instead of looking backwards, the emphasis was on reinforcing positive forward thoughts. 6 sessions and my relative is happy and back to where they were 15 years ago. Pm me if you want further details.
 

tonerain

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Spending most (or all) of your working life in a bank won't have helped, Neil.
My sister in law worked 30 years for Natwest.
She enjoyed the 1st 20 years until they introduced targets at every level.
She got home from work and cried her eyes out almost every night.

I wish you well.
 

jasonb

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Neil, reading that made me cry, you put it into words in a way I couldn't. I've suffered most my adult life with depression like you and I chose to escape with drugs and alcohol which only compounded it. Tea total nowadays but I left it too late my body is damaged beyond repair with cirrhosis, nerve and vascular damage.

I'm only 48 and somehow I hope my body will give me a few years, depression though will be with me till the end and hopefully it will not be the cause of it.

Fishing is the underlying thing that I do that holds me together in life, The landlord I live with and the few friends I have we all fish...in my spare time I fish. it sounds strange that I don't mention family but I only have an ageing mother and father that I visit regularly and help and care for, I love them but we have always distant due to my life style for many years.

Chin up Neil :) there's a few of us out there that are pretty much like you, I think of suicide a lot and it doesn't scare me in fact it just feels like the practical way to deal with a problem...but I do have to give myself a reality check that its not the right way to deal with it.

You'll get through this current phase, we always do...keep strong(y)
 

Trevor B

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Neil , I was moved by your post and you have my most sincere wishes that the cloud can lift soon . In the meanwhile please keep up the angling and regular contributions to MD site . Look forward to seeing you on the Spread Eagle event next month . regards Trevor
 

RedhillPhil

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I have suffered with this for at least 40 years but in the last four or five it has got progressively worse and I am now on medication, and even that is not helping at present. One event that seemed to hit me hard was the death of my mother in law in 2018. And I didn't really like the lady, but the family stuff that surrounded the end of her life and dealing with her estate has taken its toll on me.

For anyone that thinks depression is just about feeling sad and is something you can “snap out of” by “pulling yourself together” then you are way wide of the mark. It is a horrible illness that ruins and indeed ends many lives. It is also wholly illogical. You know you are suffering from it but can do nothing to combat it. I have read that it is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. So it is something you have little control over. And medication cannot always solve the problem.

There is also a physical side that those who have never suffered it nor been close to someone who has will understand. Imagine trying to get out of a chair but feel that your legs and arms are tied down or tied to several pounds of lead. Doing simple mundane tasks seems like trying to climb Everest.

But there are things you can get up and do but these tend to be escapes from the reality of life. For me it is fishing. I can go and lose myself and forget about the 1001 jobs that need doing at home.

The mental side is the worst. Not being frightened by having thoughts of suicide. That is, if you are lucky and not totally overwhelmed. The acceptance of those thoughts as rational are a sign that you need to seek help. Unfortunately not everyone does. There is also the fear of doing simple things. Picking up the telephone to call someone you know you should speak to. Leaving envelopes unopened because you cannot face the possible contents. Fear of doing something and being criticised, so you do nothing and get criticised for that.

The strange thing though is that to the outside world, those not close to you, you can appear happy, normal and coping. Many people who suffer the illness can maintain an outward appearance that fools many. You hold back the tears until you are alone. I guess it is the pressure on all of us to appear “normal” and well adjusted. We do not want to expose weakness because that just gives people a lever, a chink in the armour through which we fear we can be attacked or ridiculed.

It is a very true saying that you should never criticise someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. In the case of depression the shoes can look sturdy, but actually they have no soles. It is not until you put them on that you can understand how painful each step can be. And may just explain why someone is unwilling to take even short paces towards a simple goal.

In writing this I have thought whether I am seeking sympathy or pity. The answer is no, I don't think so. I just feel the need to unburden myself, perhaps explain some irrational things I have done and I suppose shout at the world for making me feel like s**t and hating myself.

You're a brave man to post your problem on a public forum. I salute you for having the courage to do so. Much respect to you Sir.
 

Wise Owl

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Forums are like was said in my thread about a mate that killed his sen a good way of expressing your feelings. You know your not facing anyone but a name on a screen, sometimes sitting down face to face with someone and opening up might be a bit traumatic. I will talk with anyone especially if it means helping em through a difficult time ?
 

Lee Richards

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Nothing but respect for the likes of Neil & Jason (and all the others that have posted in the past) for being open about their lives.
It takes a brave man to lay themselves bare on an open forum as others can use it against them or even just take the pee.
I did it a while ago on a similar thread to this and tried to explain how the forum was "my escape" when supporting problems other members of my family had encountered over the years (couple of deaths and other things etc) and yet I have one or two really sad members who throw it at me when they don't like what has been posted.
It doesn't bother me in the slightest as it says more about them than words ever could.

I will always say the same to the guys who are open; we all respect you for doing it,your posts can help others who can relate to it and there are a hell of a lot of members on here who will help you if they can.
This is what the forum is all about.
 

Paul22

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Neil
As I read your post I commend your bravery and honesty in the fact you have written down and shared your illness with us.......
I will share with you my experience of depression not because I’m looking for sympathy or any other reason other than I hope it helps in some way !

My experience is not actually about me but my mother who it turns out was a very troubled person.
As a kid I didn’t know how I’ll my mum was for sure I knew things weren’t right but not how ill she really was......
It turns out she had suffered with mental issues from being a young girl and as she grew older her problems just grew......
I was born in 1968 and by 1975 the problems my dad had trying to hold his family together were getting impossible to manage, I have a younger brother.
My dad dropped me my brother and mother of to cleethorpes for a weeks holiday in a caravan in 1975 and left us there and went back to work. This is when I first remember the dark side of my mother’s problems by then she had taken to booze to try and forget her problems, she simply couldn’t cope ( I can’t go into detail it too much )
In 1976 I was out playing it was the summer holidays I came in for some dinner and found my
Poor mother with her wrists slashed I had the foresight to call my grandma for help....... I vividly remember visiting her in hospital with both of her wrists stitched up.
By 1980 my mother had left the family home and made her own way in life.
In 1984 she finally took a fatal overdose and was no more.
There is a lot more I could say about the problems we had over the years but won’t.

As it turned out she was a manic depressive and alcoholic and had many treatments and much help but it was never going to work for her.
One must remember back then things were different in all sorts of ways it’s only now people are waking up to the real problems depression causes and how mental illness affects people.

As I write this it’s making me feel sad but I can only hope it helps in some way when people read our stories.
I really do wish all the best and hope being open helps your recovery.
 
D

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Somebody above mentioned hypnosis and it’s startling results in their experience. I practice hypnosis and have seen some remarkable changes in people. Incredible in fact.

One of the latest techniques is called havening. This is not scientifically proven as yet but results in difficult areas such as PTSD have been more than impressive.

If you want to try it you’ll need 15 minutes in a quiet place and access to YouTube. Search Paul McKenna havening.

If anyone does try it I’d welcome your feedback, via pm please.

For @neilofthenene I regard you as a friend if you’ll afford me of being so presumptuous?

Over time I’ve observed you at your best whilst you are giving, teaching particularly. If I were you I’d handle the overwhelm with havening in the short term while finding a way to express yourself via teaching/coaching or something similar. By opening up you may have already taken the most important step.

You have so much to give, shape your life to achieve that, you know how to motivate people, you can use those skills on yourself.

Let me know if I can help in any way at all?
 

Peter

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Nothing but total respect for you Neil and the others that have shared their experiences on this thread and I hope that by doing so it has brought you all a bit of relief, no matter how small or briefly.

I feel that the potential to suffer from depression lurks in all of us but most are fortunate in that it's never triggered. The sad part is that most of us are/were brought up in quite a macho way, It's the sort of thing that we were taught not to speak about, "Man Up" and "Get a Grip" being the order of the day if for some reason the subject was ever raised in conversation. Thankfully attitudes are changing and more help (though not enough) is available now.

Hopefully threads like this can be some small part of that help and long may that continue on this forum.
 

Wise Owl

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Here I have 2 £20 notes. The one on the left has been through a s**t time, been abused and just a complete mess. The one on the right is straight & crisp, not touched.
Answer me this.... is the one on the left worth less than the one on the right???

Moral of the story. Don't let anyone put you down just because you've been through a tough time. We are ALL equal. We are worth the same value. We just have perfect imperfections which make us who we are!


1565615096544.png
 
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