Dambusters remake

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hempy

Alan
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For an film buffs there may be on MD you may be aware the the Dambusters is being remade.

Whew! I had a terrible nightmare last night. I dreamt HOLLYWOOD re-made that classic British film,. It went something like this:-

During a lunch break at Princeton University, Professor Oppenheimer (Willem DaFoe) discusses his idea for a bouncing bomb with his British colleague, Professor 'Barney' Wallace (Marlon Brando - yes, I know he's dead - it was only a dream, remember).

Oppenheimer's bomb just won't work, however, and the idea looks like being shelved. Later, Wallace is watching his students play baseball when he gets a brilliant idea. What the bomb needs to work is backspin - "Like in the jolly old game of cricket", he tells Oppenheimer. They fit a spin device to the bomb and try it out on the Hoover Dam - it works! Since Oppenheimer is now working on 'other things' - "Hey, Barney, if I told ya' I'd have to kill ya'" - it's agreed that Wallace will adopt the bouncing bomb as his own project.

Since 'Wallace' is a direct descendant of Scottish patriot, William Wallace, it's only natural that he takes the idea to the 'English Air Force'. In a meeting with 'Bomber' Harris (Sylvester Stallone), Wallace pitches his bouncing bomb idea - "I'm gonna make you a bomb you can't refuse." Harris listens carefully to the proposal, then declares it, "... the screwiest Goddam idea I ever heard, Goddam it. I love it! Make it happen, Barney."

Enter Wing Commander Guy Gibson (played by his namesake, Mel), who will lead a special RAF squadron to attack (says Harris), " ... the biggest Goddam dam in Germany." Gibson is British (though Mel's foppish English accent hasn't improved since "Mutiny on the Bounty"), whilst his crew are played by 2nd-rate American actors, all pretending to be Canadian. The rest of the squadron are British, played by 2nd-rate British actors, all pretending to be officers (the only NCO's or OA personnel are there to serve tea, fetch messages, or to guard doors).

Training gathers pace, using the squadron's special Lancastershire bombers. But then, two days before the raid, they hit a major snag - vibrations from the Lancastershires' engines are setting up a dangerous resonance within the bombs, causing them to detonate prematurely. Oh no! They'll have to scub the mission. But then they find that the engines of the American B-17 resonate at a more sympathetic rate, causing no problems with the bombs. Harris pleads with the USAAF to loan him a squadron of 'Forts' for the mission. This the Americans are willing to do, but only two of the RAF crews have any experience on the B-17 - Gibson's, and that of his best friend, 'Canadian' pilot Flt.Lt. Berty Fanshawe (Josh Hartnet). There's no time to re-train the others. The only solution is to use the American crews.

And so the mission begins, flying the B-17, with mostly American crews, fitted with the 'British' developed bouncing bomb. Sitting in the co-pilot's seat of Gibson's plane is his faithful black Labrador dog, ***** (pronounced, 'Nee-jer').

Over the target (oh, by the way, there is only ONE target), Gibson orders Fanshawe into the attack (earlier there's a scene where Fanshawe begs Gibson to allow him the honour of attacking first, since he - Fanshawe - had been thwarted in love by Gibson and felt he was due something in recompence). Berty goes in, all guns blazing, and is duly blown to buggery (but in a heroic fashion, of course). Same thing happens with two more of the all-American crews, so Gibson decides it's his turn.

Skimming low over the water, Gibson turns in to the target. Suddenly, the plane is hit by flak in the nose area. The bomb aimer is killed and the bombsight put out of action. His attack a complete failure, Gibson pulls off the target. Just then a familiar figure appears beside Gibson - it's his girlfriend, Pamela (Kate Winslet) who has stowed aboard the plane because she couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to him without her being there.

After the usual romantic banter, Gibson says he can't attack again because of the bombsight. Undaunted, Pamela removes her knickers (no ... wait for it) and, using the elastic stretched between two lollipop sticks (she just happened to have in her bag), she rigs up a makeshift bombsight and takes up station in the nose.

'Gibbo' goes in once again, straight towards the dam, with Pamela acting as bomb aimer - "Left a bit, darling. Right a bit. Steady. Steady ... ". Suddenly, there's another hit on the cockpit and Gibson is knocked out. It looks like they're doomed to crash, but then ***** (Nee-jer) leaps onto his master's lap and begins licking Gibson's face. He regains consciousness, just in time to line up the plane as Pamela yells, "Bomb gone, 'Gibbo'!". The bomb bounces across the water and hits the damn right in the centre. There's a helluva great explosion, the damn disintegrates, and a gazillion gallons of water flood most of Nazi Germany.

In the Reichstag in Berlin, Hitler (Samuel L. Jackson) is having a bath when the flood waters burst into his quarters, drowning him ... and so the war ends in 1943.

The last scene is Pamela, snogging in Gibson's lap, as ***** (Nee-jer) steers the B-17 back to England against a background of the rising sun. THE END.

I was glad when I woke up, believe me. Still, no chance of them ever making a load of blithering tosh like that ios there, well is there.



WARNING: THIS POST MAY CONTAIN TRACES OF WIT AND IRONY.
 

Bill G

Grandad
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Dec 26, 2006
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what no tom cruise and arnie strutting there stuff anywhere
you know the sort of thing undercarriage shot to bits and with toms brain and arnies brawn they pull it all together just in time to land ther wrecked crate and they allwalk off into the sunset arm in arm laughing and joking about how the dod took a leek at just the time when kate dropped her knickers which put the radio out so they couldnt give the victorious call sign of vesuvious
[:D]
 

BARRYBLOKE

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Feb 28, 2004
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Sorry bud didnt get through that lot but if its anything like Hollywoods version of how "America" captured the enigma code in WW11 it will be a crock of the proverbial from start to finish.
 

Benji

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http://www.dambusters.org.uk/

Thats the truth, why are the americans allowed to go round changing history? Sorry that really annoys me, regularly see the Lancaster when im fishing, always pleased to see it, 617 squadron is from around here as well, we are Bomber county and Bush and his butt munches can go hang.
 
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