Betrayal - how to deal.

chappo

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Good for you Mate getting it off your chest.

Before you do anything perhaps it worth asking yourself what is keeping you with her and whether those things are worth saving as a couple - what is it that will keep you with a partner that has already done this before?
You need to think about you here Mate and what you want - you've done nothing wrong!

When you have a good chat with her and she perhaps explains her position try and establish if there is any common ground - if there isn't any its perhaps professional marriage guidance advice
That's only if you want your relationship to work

Above all you need to set boundaries and rules for your own well being - what she has done is totally unacceptable (and the bloke) and she must be clear what the consequences of her actions will be

Not idle threats - a stark reminder that she can't have her cake and eat it.

Look after you - be proud that you've done nothing wrong and put the ball nicely in her court whilst endorsing the consequences of her actions

One final thought or question that might explain her behaviour - she's not addicted to tablets or drinking excessively by any chance?
Please don't post the reply Mate - but your comments about her behaviour sound warning bells typical of people who suffer addiction (and they might not even know it)
Likewise someone who suffers with depression often suffers low self esteem - if the bloke has taken advantage of her vulnerability he sounds a right !!!!!!! and his wife needs to know again - much better than getting angry yourself

Loving someone madly does not give them the right to treat you like a doormat Mate - and you mustn't let her

Good on you Shadow - hold your head up high fella
[:T]

Its easy for us to say do this or that because we're not emotionally involved - it's what you want and how you can achieve it without you suffering
 
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Chris1Richo

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I can't pass comment as I have never been in the situation, but I read with sympathy and wish you all the best and hope you find a the best solution to make things work.
 

mickthestick

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I think whether married or in a relationship you don't actually own the person ,it's all about trust once that's gone ypu can never get it back , just a matter of if you can live with someone you can never truely trust again , some people can and some people cannot
 

Blanks

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I know CJ, but really it is. When trust is broken it can never be mended, its gone forever. Millions of people stay together for whatever reason but its not love. Imagine the OP when his wife's phone bleeps, what will go through his mind.
 

Dave

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If my missus cheated on me she'd be put under a brand new patio, just saying [:)]
 

nelson66

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My first wife cheated on me - and even though i tried to stick it out - I never really trusted her and I just felt betrayed
I stuck at it for about 6 months and then found out she was still seeing the bloke behind my back...
I chinned him,,, then i chinned her and I walked out of the house without a single belonging and never went back


12 months down the line - she swore at the judge during our divorce proceedings - called him a c++t - and he smiled at me and gave me 75% of my house back - when she was trying to get all of it.

Then a month or two after that - i was sitting in the pub having a few quiet beers and this 19yr old blonde girl started giving me the eye. One thing led to another - and we're still together 16 years later and I have married the nicest woman i have ever met..

But if I found out she was doing the dirty behind my back - I'd be off like a shot..
Nothing worse than knowing your partners a cheater - once the trusts gone - it never comes back

Do yourself a favour - cut the agony short - get rid,,, and start a new chapter in your life - you never know where it might take you and who you might get to meet
 

T.I

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I certainly couldn't forgive, wouldn't bother with a patio though.

Better off rid, plenty more fish and all that...
 

spadger

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She left her ex to be with you. There seems to be a pattern there, how many times did she cheat on her ex?
It's your decision mate but think long and hard about what's best for YOU!
 

Phoenixicus

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The thing is though before they got together the OP was already with someone and FBing the one who has cheated on him,so both parties do have a bit of history.
His current OH was still there for him after a period of time of him trying with his ex and they soon got together - obviously still a lot of feelings going on there so how much was this on his mind whilst trying with the ex?

This is why I said that people can give advice but won't know all the facts - always two sides to a story and detail behind it.

Only the OP can work this one out but starting again when you are older is not as easy as you think it is.
He has to do what is best for him.
 

Simon Walsh

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Why would you ever want to put your personnel details on a forum.... may be good for some but not for me thank you
 

Phoenixicus

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Good to get certain things off your chest but I do agree with the privacy side of it.
You never know when people can use it against you.

With the way some things are twisted around these days who is to say his partner is not looking at this and if things get s*****y decides to use it against him.
We all know how devious solicitors can be when it comes to
 

Indi68

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i think you have so many negatives in your explanation of what has happened, that it is time to move on. it will be very hard for you, but you will be a lot better off long term.
 

fishingkev

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I feel for you m8, been there and it aint easy at all. I believe it was a hard decision for you to put it on here but getting an outside view/opinion is a good idea and can help no matter what other ppl say, talking helps in any capacity.

In the end YOU have to decide, 1,if the relationship is worth fighting for and YOU will be happy. 2, Is it what YOU really want?, 3, can you forgive her and not hold it against her. 4, She has a track record....can you trust her again? Yes trust can be got again.

The decision you make can not be rushed, take time to think it all over ie..staying together, splitting, kids, property etc.

I wish you the best in how you deal with it m8
 

tysontim

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Going to honest here, if its not the first time she has done it it will probably not be the last, if you love someone and that same person loves you then the thought of cheating should not enter their head.

If it was me, and I say me she would have been gone now and so would the bloke who she had cheated with, I would definitely be serving time for it.
 
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