Another young life affected...

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badpegpicker

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First things first.
Im not the sort that goes round plastering the goings on in my life all over the place, nor am I the sort that goes round looking for loads of sympathy.


The thing is, sometimes, its just good to get things written down and stop bottling them up.

So if this all gets a bit self indulgent, I apologise in advance.[:D]


A few years ago, my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer.

6 months later, she passed away, leaving myself and my older brother and sister devastated.
She was (as every mother is to everyone[:)]) simply the best mum I could hope for. She was brave, and faced her illness with as much dignity as she possibly could, she battled for as long as she could, but eventually the ba****d that is cancer got her.

Even though the pain slowly lessens, the memory of the time I spent watching her ebb away still haunts me.

That was nearly 10 years ago, and although I still miss her tremendously, I felt I was at last coming to terms with it.


Until last week.........

The nasty, horrible, evil, life ruining disease has reared its ugly head once again.

My step daughters boyfriend has just been told he has Lymphoma.

He s 26! Not far off the age I was when my mother was diagnosed.

Im not overly sure how he is at the moment, as he and I dont really talk at any length. Not because we dont get on, quite the opposite!

He s just a very quiet sort of chap.

My step daughter (Jessica) seems to be staying positive, which for her (she s normally as mad as a box of frogs lol) is usually a sign that she s very (naturally) worried.[:(]


My other half is obviously a little distraught, for both of them.

He is getting support from all angles............

Except one[:I]


I didnt realise that I would be so affected again by this disease. I thought that I had learned from it, and could face it quite easily.


Wrong!!!!

I cant deal with it, not again, not within my family structure!
And I have just backed off, taken a back seat.

I guess I feel guilty that I cant just pick up the phone and have a chat with him and ask how he s feeling, whats going on etc.

My other half is wondering why Im down all the time, but I cant tell her its because of all this, as I dont want people to think Im trying to make it about me! Thats the last thing I want.

Its just brought back too many bad memories, and too much pain.


Maybe, with time(hopefully there will be many years more of it)I ll be able to buck up and deal with it more easily.

Everyone else is being positive, so Ive got to be too.

I know Im not the first person to have this happen in their family, and I know I wont be the last. I just wish we could wipe out this evil.

Like I said earlier, Im not looking for sympathy, I just needed
to have a rant, and get it out.

Thanks for putting up with me[:I]


Steve.
 

pieman

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hope it all works out for you mate, i've been through something similar[;)]
 

lucky wayne

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sorry to hear your sad news mate you are right it helps to write things down and get them off your chest,my wife sharon has had cancer now on and off for six years she beats it then it returns,so i do know where you are coming from and it affects the whole family not just the person with the disease just be there for your step daughter when she needs to talk mate as it makes all the difference,i do wish the young man all the best and good luck to you all
 

firefly

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Lost my dad to lung cancer too. The pain never goes away, maybe gets a little easier to deal with but because you loved so much thats why it hurts.

It's hard to tell people how you feel but it won't do you & yours any good to bottle it up. Talk to your lady I'm sure she will understand that you want & need to help but don't know how. Just be there for your step daughter and her guy they will appreciate it. Tell them you don't know what to say but that (i'm sure they know anyway) you're there to help if there's anything they need. try to keep positive and make sure that those that matter to you know exactly how much. Not the simplest thing in the world to do but definitely worth it[8)]
 

badpegpicker

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Thanks Wayne (pm returned).

Ta Firefly.
Youre right I know, I think I just need a bit of time to let it sink in.
 

nico12

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Brave to put it on the forum mate. If it helps, its more than worth it. you have my respect.

In terms of lymphoma, my wife was diagnosed around 5 years ago at 28, and at the age the lad is, the prognosis is decent. and getting better all the time.

if its non hodgkins lyphoma there are lots of sites that can help to understand. Itll be tough, and no-one will tell you (or him) what will happen. BUT the odds are decent to my knowledge as i say.

In terms of your mum mate, its understandable that its opened wounds and brought back memories. This guy will be all over the place, take your time and im sure he'll appreciate your position also

Best wishes mate.
 

badpegpicker

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Nico,
Thanks mate.
I ll check out some sites, if nothing else it will give me some sort of understanding as you say. Then at least I can be armed a little better.

Best wishes to you and your wife.
 

HarryOatcake

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Personally Badpegpicker
I think you do need to share your feelings and concerns
with your wife,
even though you feel that you cannot face up to it
at least by having someone close to share your worry
at least she will be able to realise why you appear to
be withdrawing into yourself.

She could even let the rest of the family know on the quiete
what is troubling you,
not for them to know is also a cause of worry to them.

You know within that there is nothing that you can do
but at least you can share the burden
remember worry never helped or cured anyone even though it is
hard not to.

Hoping all will be resolved eventually.
Regards.
Harry.
 

badpegpicker

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Cheers Harry, wise words, much appreciated.

Given time I hope I ll be able to open up a little more.
 

bazw

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which lymphoma is it , i have non Hodgkin's and have had the devils time with it which its a pain as it is normally very controllable a few tablets every few weeks for a few months and its normally ok for 8-10 treatments over 20 years then they up you to the next level and its good for 5 goes over 10 years
then chop-R (this is what im now on after 3 years and its the dogs whats its for me been ok ish for 18 months now and only downer is its done my thyroid gland in so all the weight loss i had [and needed :) ] is going back on , its a bit of a ba5tard cos it will give you a cancer that will kill you but most folks dont get on to this stuff till they are 70-80 ish so not a worry and the R bit (ritixamab ) is good , its made from hamster livers and im allergic to the stuff lol so it dam near kills me as i take it after that its nuke time and stem cells if i can be ar5ed or good night Vienna in a few years wont even get me bus pass :(

here are a few of the sites i look at for help , but the best help is from the staff where you are treated , they will make the time to talk you all through this and clear any confusion up

http://www.lymphoma-net.org/index.cfm?source=google&keyword=non_hodgkins_lymphoma

http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/types/non-hodgkins-lymphoma

i know its scary as 5hit when it happens twice in a family (my mother died in 89 of bowel cancer ) but the thing is to be positive and not give up , i used to see so many new faces when i was at the hospital ever 3 weeks and you could see who would fight and who had given up , take the fight to it and tell your step daughter my wife loved it when i was on the first round of treatment i got chemo plus dexamethazone sodium phosphate (an anabolic steroid) and she was very very happy as it works far better than Viagra [:)]
she just gripes to the consultant now because he will not give me any more of it
 

panda

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Hello mate, very brave to post this on the forum, if you can't talk to your wife or other family members about this, let them see this post it will tell them more than you will know. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you and your family.
 

Enigma

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Hi Steve - sorry to hear your bad news - it does good to rant so I wouldn't give a stuff if anyone has a go at you for that. I lost my father to the big C when I was 16 just before my exams. My best friend (been pals for last 20 years) his mother has had it for the last two years and while she has fought it all the way she has now been told in all honesty there really is much left they can do. Sure it brought back all those memories about losing my father but I thought this isn't about me and how I feel and my mate doesn't need me off loading on him - so it's best foot forward supporting him all the way brave face and all that and he knows he can call me any time of the day.

The point I'm making Steve is we are all different and we all react differently - don't beat yourself up if you have had to distance yourself. We all look for support in different ways be it a simple phone call, or a I'm here if you need anything. It might be nothing more than a the pair of you going for a pint and sitting there in total silence. (or take him fishing)

I'm sure deep down you are a good family man - don't worry what strangers think.

Our thoughts are with you..hang in there.
 

jonesr

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Steve,Harry is right.I've just been through a bad year,I lost my Daughter in law,August.And my Wife in September.It's the hardest thing in the world to answer people's "Are you alright?" I have good neighbors but it's not the same.The thing that is worrying now-days is the young age of people being diagnosed.I hope that their age is on their side to fight it.All the best mate to you and your family

Ron J
 

jonesr

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Steve,Harry is right.I've just been through a bad year,I lost my Daughter in law,August.And my Wife in September.It's the hardest thing in the world to answer people's "Are you alright?" I have good neighbors but it's not the same.The thing that is worrying now-days is the young age of people being diagnosed.I hope that their age is on their side to fight it.All the best mate to you and your family

Ron J
 

badpegpicker

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Thanks guys.

Im not worried about what people on here say. For the most part Im actually very thick skinned! lol

Well, the missus is coming home tonight, so perhaps I ll have a chat with her about all thats going on.

Bazw. I believe he has the same as you have mate, well. I know that it s what they call a low grade, but its still never a good thing is it?

My best to you and yours.

Steve.
 

Jen

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Steve, my mates daughter has just come through the other side of Non Hodgkins Lymphoma.

She was diagnosed a week before christmas 2005. She has been through it all, the chemo, the sickness, the numerous drugs, the hairloss etc., and through it all has been very brave.

She is now in remission and looking fit and healthy, her hair has grown back and she is full of life. Her mam has been her rock through it all, and I admire them both. She is the same age as your daughters boyfriend, so don't get too despondent, its not always as bad as you think. Chin up Steve.
 

Jen

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No worries, does you good to talk about it sometimes [;)][:)]
 
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