...and a bit of mine.

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Active member
Feb 20, 2002
An extract from the early 70's
In the matrimonial hammock, made from the borrowed cardboard brigade that adorn the central streets of my city ..

my rhythm became stronger and much faster,
in out, in out, in out,..
my nostrils where beginning to burn, i could snore for England unlike my missus who is the world champion.....

suddenly, at the crack of noon, my whole body exploded from my torpor into a raging toy rabbit..

"it's Tuesday, it's Tuesday" i gleefully muttered, so as not to wake Mount Fuji, lying there ready to erupt at the slightest noise..she does'nt like me going fishin'..

i zoomed down stairs, put the kettle on and pinched a tea leaf from the wife's cache..let's hope today she does'nt count them or i will be in sh** street

i collected all my fishing gear and my envelope full of lunch and was soon on the way to a day's freedom..

Today's venue was Newsham Park, a two minute dodge of mounds of excreta to the lake..
a week before, my left heel managed to catch the last inch of a Wolfhound's last meal, i have climbed smaller mountains in North Wales.... i started to slide at a rate Linford Christie would have been proud of..
i have always been a very athletic young man, but ballet is not my strong point, i looked like a Russian
beam gymnast going for gold. At the end of the slide, my groin parked itself on to the hounds first drop,
my arms outstretched so as not to soil my fishing gear, i slowly keeled over, pushed my arms out to the front of my body, my right ear proceeded to get imbedded in a fifty a day smokers expectoration ( spit ).

Come bonfire night i will cure that Wolfhound and the Abominable Lung, a "wrip wrap" inserted in a cavity clears the system. ...... i reached the sanctuary of the lake today,cleanly..., i chose my spot well,
i placed my tackle beneath the "bombing bridge" out of the local Luftwaffe's sight...ten yards to my left stood a shoal of Canadian Geese filling the effing and blinding air with their monotone complaints.

I took out my Yo-Yo.....loaded with 2lb Bayer and attached it to my 12ft shakyspeare.. cos that's what it felt like, followed by a sparrow quilled float...well what do you expect, one is in Liverpool one is...
i bow tied my 2/0 hook straight on to the line, impaled a single squat and undercast to the edge of a Leo's trolley.

I sat alone, my thoughts only shared with my maker, hoping to catch something bigger than a two inch gudgeon, a fish that will stay in my memory forevermore.. maybe a three inch one...suddenly, after a six hour inactive spell, the rod lunged forward from my twigged rest..i grabbed the rod, line spewing off the reel as fast as a drunken man's last meal is evicted from his body..

i set the clutch a little tighter but still the rod heaved from my grip, i began to move to my left at a pace
humans are not used to..the Canadian Geese...who i swear where screeching in French.. scattered like canadian Geese...or was it mice?...i digress...i reached the scatterings of geese poo and here started my first lesson in "excremental skiing", you've heard of .."like sh**off a shovel"..this was .."like guano off a goose's bum"...

i plunged into the water and was dragged twenty five yards before i could get up on the plane.. the mystery surfaced, the beast that hauled me along was identified as a water vole ( a mangy rat )..
i careered into a thousand floats in my ski of the lake.. coming to the bombing bridge i was pelted with hundreds of water balloons to the amusement of the nursing home community...the minimum age is 105..

five yards on, the rat bit through my line...it was a gummy rat...i slowly sank to my chest, released from my tormentor i struggled from the lake , collected my belongings and squelched 300yards to home.
I entered the house, grabbed a towel from the clean pile of washed clothes, when my wife entered the room having returned from the shops.."wherv..you been?.."errrm.. the baths love, av been the baths",..... "oh!" she uttered, "av just been told some weirdo has been trying to ski on the lake, the sooner they put that gobs**** in a home the better"......"yes love"




the bouncer
Staff member
Site Supporter
Aug 11, 2001
Ahh so it was you who nicked my fave waggler then & not a scouse torpedo (its the one stuck in your left ass cheek mate can i have it back please??) washed if possible

Nice one Danny once again the scouse humor shows through (shame only scousers find it funny)

Keep em coming mate keep em coming.

You've just been moderated


roflmao.gif roflmao.gif roflmao.gif
No i would not have laughted Danny, at your plight,
More like split my sides.
Good one Danny

i'm going fishing


' Victor '
Mar 11, 2002
Trust a makem to kick a man when he's down.

Seriously though Danny a smashing story, keep them comming mate.

Del. comp6_e0.gif Not fishing then talk to your mates on MDs


Staff member
Site Supporter
Sep 18, 2001
Terrific,coming at it from a scouse perspective,highly entertaining!!

Peter. jumpfish_e0.gif
Make Friends,Go Maggotdrowning.
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