0415 and.....

[Trogg]

I have the police banging on my front door making the dogs go mental.

Look out the window and they ask me "can you come to the door please sir" ..... get dressed, get to the front door and before i can say anything in they come, 4 of them with another 2 stood outside.

They start asking me questions and i'm still half asleep so i stop them and ask them what the hell is going on, "we've had a report of a woman screaming in distress sir, we just need to check that your wife is ok which bedroom is she in"

I tell him and he starts up the stairs, i ask him what happens if he gets bit by either of my dogs..suddenly he stops and says "dogs?" ffs his hearing must be chronic if he can't hear them going mental the Parsons is barking like a psycho and a Staffies bark isn't exactly a tiny squeek is it.
He needs to see the wife to make sure she's ok so i call her and she just shouts "yeah" then i have a bit of a "light bulb" moment and say "are you sure it isn't the flats mate, we get their mail, their fast food deliveries and all sorts coming here because they think they're the only 55 in the street"

Double checks with "control" then apologises and they all head off to the flats, i go back to the bedroom, wife is getting dressed and starts having a go at me for calling her i explained what had happened and she says "well i replied when you called" so i try to explain the copper was only doing his job and needed to see her because i could have belted her one (yeah they don't know my mrs!) and told her to sound cheerful if they called up to her...but nope that wsn't good enough, she's now peed off because she's got to be up for 0500 and apparently...it's all my flaming fault that she's awake!! sheeeeeesh.


I hope the poor lass that was reported screaming is ok, if she has been beaten i hope they get the guy (o woman i suppose) but i really wish people would learn to get addresses right at 4 in the morning!

 

[Dave Spence]

Give her a bit of TLC mate so that she is smiling at 0500

 

[Wise Owl]

Screaming in Ecstasy and Trogg didnt want to admit his sexual Prowess

 

[Trogg]

Screaming in Ecstasy and Trogg didnt want to admit his sexual Prowess

pfffttt, those days are long gone mate, i didn't realise what it meant the last time i called "last ride" on the gaff

 

[Dave Spence]

Screaming in Ecstasy and Trogg didnt want to admit his sexual Prowess

I once had one screaming in ecstacy, turns out I had my knee digging into her ribs

 

[Wise Owl]

My mate calls it a ferry trip now, Roll on Roll off

 

[Neil ofthe nene]

A while back my phone rang at 5:30 one Sunday morning. We have a phone in the bedroom so I answered that.

"Hello sir, this inspector X from Northants police control room. We have had a report your front door is open"
"I doubt it as we rarely use the front door, it stays locked and bolted most of the time"
"Well someone has reported walking past your property an hour ago and noticed the door was open then, and when walking past a few minutes ago it was still open"

I go and check the door - locked and bolted.

"no, my door is locked and bolted"

Lightbulb moment.

"Should you be calling the occupier of the house with the same address in Wellingborough. We often get their mail"

After a few seconds of silence

"From the looks I am getting from the staff around me I think you may be right. Sorry for bothering you."
"That's OK I was getting up soon to go fishing anyway"


For our trip to Australia last year the limo service called the day before to confirm pick-up - from the Wellingborough address. I told them that if they went to that address they would be five miles from my front door.

Why a town the size of mine doesn't have its own postal district is beyond me. But my address officially is in Wellingborough even though we are a town separated from it by four miles of green fields.

 

[RedhillPhil]

That's what postcodes are for.

 

[160642fishing]

Re wrong addresses,last week I was going up the road to get my paper and noticed my next door neighbour was having some heating oil delivered,we normally order it together to get a better price and the delivery was from a different supplier to the one we always use,an hour or so later I get a call from next door,there was a bill in their letterbox for 380 odd quid for 860 litres and the address on it was number 7,they are number 17 !,the lady next door has Parkinsons and was in bed when it was delivered,we are still negotiating with the supplier,they started by knocking £20 off the bill.

 

[kevin o connor]

Good job it didn't happen when I was over there.

 

[DomCrtr1975]

..and there was me thinking, news of the youngest daughter's "day early" tattoo had got out to grapevine!!

 

[Scribe]

A while back my phone rang at 5:30 one Sunday morning. We have a phone in the bedroom so I answered that.

"Hello sir, this inspector X from Northants police control room. We have had a report your front door is open"
"I doubt it as we rarely use the front door, it stays locked and bolted most of the time"
"Well someone has reported walking past your property an hour ago and noticed the door was open then, and when walking past a few minutes ago it was still open"

I go and check the door - locked and bolted.

"no, my door is locked and bolted"

Lightbulb moment.

"Should you be calling the occupier of the house with the same address in Wellingborough. We often get their mail"

After a few seconds of silence

"From the looks I am getting from the staff around me I think you may be right. Sorry for bothering you."
"That's OK I was getting up soon to go fishing anyway"


For our trip to Australia last year the limo service called the day before to confirm pick-up - from the Wellingborough address. I told them that if they went to that address they would be five miles from my front door.

Why a town the size of mine doesn't have its own postal district is beyond me. But my address officially is in Wellingborough even though we are a town separated from it by four miles of green fields.

When I was in Charleston South Carolina back in 1998 I called a local taxi company and started to give them the address and they already knew it, they could see from the phone number what the address was on their screen.

 

[muskrat]

Quite recently I answered our door to two blokes carrying a brand new polythene wrapped king sized mattress. They had parked their van blocking our road because there was nowhere near the house they could park, so they were keen to offload asap. "Where do you want it put?" one said. "I don't want it at all." I said. "I didn't order a mattress". After some more refusing from me, and a call to the office they worked out that our house in Gloucester was where my wife's son was using as a billing address while he moved home .... To Wales ! - which was where they ended up having to deliver the mattress.

 

[Dusty]

Quite recently I answered our door to two blokes carrying a brand new polythene wrapped king sized mattress. They had parked their van blocking our road because there was nowhere near the house they could park, so they were keen to offload asap. "Where do you want it put?" one said. "I don't want it at all." I said. "I didn't order a mattress". After some more refusing from me, and a call to the office they worked out that our house in Gloucester was where my wife's son was using as a billing address while he moved home .... To Wales ! - which was where they ended up having to deliver the mattress.

When me and our lass bought our first house I went through a phase of ordering takeaways to their address 5 miles away instead of mine! It resulted in some bribery of the delivery drivers to re-route ?

 

[Trogg]

That's what postcodes are for.

I have lost count of the amount if times i've had to direct folks to one of the other industrial parks/estates where i work, it's an old ww2 airfield (Bolton Paul worked on the Canberra and Lightning here) that has been split into 5 or 6 different parks/estates but they all have the same postcode... it's a pain in the arris!

 

[Nunachuk]

Talking of wrong address's, I had just been posted to Sennelager in Germany and decided to go out for a beer, to look around my old stomping grounds. I had a few, (as you do) and in the pub after an altercation, (which the Military Police attended, I knew one of them, for some unknown reason) and I had the brilliant idea-Which my MP friend agreed to. So after giving them my address, they drove me there, knocked loudly on the door and when it was opened, threw me on the floor and demanded....'is this yours'? The women glared down at me and stated 'no he lives next door'......I got the bloody address wrong! Repeated the permormance with HWMBO...lets just say I heard a lot about it from her the next day and my new neighbours avoided me for a long time, (don't blame them).