Spanky's thread

spanky

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Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
 

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Police today reported that a suspicious package taken from an address in Liverpool contained a distressing item.

It was a job offer.
 

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My boss asked me to get him a bulldog clip today.

So I emailed him a YouTube video of one riding a skateboard.
 

spanky

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I recently completed a PhD in Scottish poetry.

I now have third degree Burns.
 

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Whenever I write a letter to someone, I add a footnote briefly explaining Ohm's law.

It's my P.S. de resistance.
 

spanky

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The wife served me my dinner last night.

I've been cleaning mashed potato out of the racquet strings all morning.
 

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I've just heard of new hobby - blindfold plane spotting.

Personally, I just cant see it taking off.
 

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Breaking News: A mass brawl has broken out at our local petrol station.

23 people arrested in Total.
 

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I tried being humble for a bit last week, but I soon stopped once I realised I was best at it.
 

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My wife and I spent this morning laughing and joking and putting all of the clocks back a few hours.

It was just like old times.
 

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The wife has just been attacked by a shark.

In fairness, I probably shouldn't have taken the loan out in her name.
 

spanky

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Every team at the pub quiz got ten out of ten on the government round.

It was political correctness gone mad.
 

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If anyone wants to come to our meeting for indecisive people, we'll be somewhere in London next week (probably).
 

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The Italians are installing a clock in the Leaning Tower of Pisa; after all, what good is the inclination if you don't have the time?
 

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The FA have offered to reduce Luis Suarez's ban if he undertake some form of counseling.

I expect he'll bite their arm off.
 

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With Suarez suspended Liverpool have some tough choices to make. I wonder who will be their designated diver?
 

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I've often wondered how many Countdown contestants it takes to change a BLIHBULGT?
 

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To prepare me for work in later life, at school I was sent on work experience at a department store for two weeks.

The scouse lad in our class got a fortnight at home watching TV.
 

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