Spanky's thread

spanky

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My ancestors have all had a genetic propensity for diarrhoea...

Runs in the family.
 

spanky

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Weird: People in my office have started naming the food in the company fridge...

Today I ate a tuna sandwich named Kevin
 

spanky

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When my mate started losing his hair, he got a wig...

We didn't notice at first, it was done syrup-titiously.
 

spanky

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I've been a member of Total Fitness for a good 10 years now but don't seem to be making any progress...

so tomorrow I'm going down there in person to see what's going on
 

nomorelongwalks

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I had a leak in the bathroom the other night, looked through Yellow pages, found a plumber, John the plumber 24hrs.
Called him up and he came round to have a look, an hour later the leak was worse and water was beginning to come through the ceiling.
I ran upstairs and said to him "it's getting worse, how long have you been a plumber??"
He replied "24hrs"
 
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spanky

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I know Ozzy Osbourne has a terrible affliction that's gonna blight the poor man for the rest of his life...

but being born in Birmingham isn't really his fault is it.
 
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spanky

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I had a croissant for breakfast today...

followed by an annoyed worm and a miffed beetle
 

spanky

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To the guy who invented zero:

Thanks for nothing, pal.
 

crackatoa

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On the M56 and my wife says 'Those people in front are Welsh'. 'Why?' I said. 'Well the kids are writing on the window "stit ruoy su wohs".
 

spanky

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I had life-changing surgery to fix my neck...

I haven't looked back since.
 

mickthestick

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I'm not saying my girlfriend is thick but when I ask her to spell orange she said the fruit or the colour
 

mickthestick

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The Wife just said , Mick that bloke keeps looking at my Boobs , I said just pull your skirt down a bit more love
 

spanky

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Just been to Liverpool and I couldn't believe they didn't sell Mars Bars.

They love the rest and play bit, but they don't want to take a chance on the other.
 
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