Spanky's thread

spanky

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Looking forward to Sunday...

The clock in the car will be right for six months.
 

spanky

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Someone suggested getting a stripper for my wife's 60th birthday. What a fantastic idea that turned out to be...

She only has the paper to hang now.
 

spanky

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"You're boring," I said, "You're not nice at all, you don't make me happy and I don't want to see you ever again."

I hate salad.
 

spanky

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There are only 90 Amur Leopards left in the wild.

It's tragic because it's the only big cat that knows what it is.
 

spanky

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I was putting on my watch this morning and the strap broke...

I put on my shirt and a button fell of it...

I've been too scared to go for a pee all day.
 

spanky

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I was the first person to install trampolines in musician's tour buses...

Now everybody is jumping on the bandwagon.
 

spanky

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I got fired from my job with the fireworks display tea - I pressed the wrong button and got the ignition sequence wrong.

I just think it's bang out of order.
 

spanky

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I have discovered that I have a superpower - I can melt ice cubes just by staring at them...

It takes a while though.
 

spanky

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I have a great joke about the 25th anniversary of Riverdance but I Flatley refuse to post it here.
 

spanky

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I just lost my job manufacturing keyboards...

Apparently I wasn’t putting enough shifts in.
 

spanky

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My wife and I have decided to go down the adoption route and have discussed our preferences...

She wants a girl and I want a snow leopard.
 

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I used to suffer from premature ejaculation...
It used to get on my wives tits, but now she just takes it on the chin.
 

spanky

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Mr T has a brother, but there's very little known about him...

They just call him Mr E.
 
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crackatoa

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I went into Waterstones and asked the woman behind the counter if they had any books on turtles.

"Hard backs?" she replied.

"Yeah", I said, "and a tiny green head".
 

spanky

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I'm not saying my wife's heavy...

But she's not allowed to drive across our local railway bridge.
 

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