Spanky's thread

spanky

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The ringtone for my phone is: 🎶 De de de de de de, de de de de...De de de de de de, de de de de de...🎶

It's a Huawei 5.0.
 

spanky

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I pushed the boat out on my wife's birthday.

She should be in the middle of the North Sea by the time the sleeping tablets wear off.
 

spanky

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My recent appointment at a London sperm bank turned out to be unsuccessful...

I missed the tube.
 

spanky

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My parents asked me whether I was certain I wanted to identify as a roll on deodorant.

"Yes, I'm sure." I said.
 

mickthestick

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It takes me 5 minutes to walk to the Pub from my house and 45 minutes to walk back, the difference is staggering
 

mickthestick

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I went to a funeral the other day and asked the Vicar if I could have the WiFi password , he said "have some respect for the dead " , I said is that all lower case
 

spanky

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The boss of Dulux has died of hypothermia while trekking across the Antarctic

Medics said he needed a second coat
 

spanky

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I'm told that Joe Pasquale speaks very highly of me.
 

spanky

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Since my missus left I’ve bought a motorbike, got a dog, had a threesome, and blown thousands on drink, drugs and gambling...

She’ll be livid when she gets in from work.
 

spanky

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Went on a tour of a haunted pub the other day...

Couldn't believe the amount of spirits I saw behind the bar.
 

spanky

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I just heard Scotland beat San Marino 6-0.

I didn't even know San Marino played rugby.
 

spanky

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I went out with a girl once, but I dumped her when I found out she had Communist sympathies...

That's a big red flag for me.
 

mickthestick

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Before my Surgery my Anaesthetist said I could be knocked out by Gas or a rowing paddle , it was an Ether/Oar choice
 

spanky

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Emmerdale actress Zoe Tate has died.

I once went out with her high-flying sister...

Levi.
 

spanky

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Last week my dog ate all the scrabble tiles...

He's been leaving me little messages around the house ever since.
 

spanky

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Got an ornamental collar made from dog hair...

It's a bit ruff.
 

mickthestick

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Why do people keep letting Fireworks off so early , Dog's that frightened its hid under the Christmas tree
 

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