Spanky's thread

spanky

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I have such a caring, generous, and thoughtful wife...

I came home early the other day; she’d bought me a new suit and carefully draped it over the chair in our bedroom.
 

spanky

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Our gardener suffered a fatal heart attack while he was out trimming our hedge maze...

The paramedics didn't stand a chance.
 

spanky

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I went to the doctor and I said "I think I have Swine Flu".

He ran some tests and concluded "It's okay, you have hind leg of pork after it has been cured by dry-salting or brining Flu and we'll soon have you cured".
 

spanky

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I'm thinking of closing my piano manufacturing business because it's not paying the bills.

I only make a grand a month.
 

mickthestick

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Wife said have you been drinking ,I said no I've been eating Frog's legs and what you can smell is the hops
 

spanky

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I’m a recovering alcoholic...

By that, I mean I’m hungover.
 

spanky

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My friends have set me up on a date tonight, they told me she's a paleoanthropologist and wrote her thesis on Pleistocene man.

I really want to make a good impression so I've been watching every episode of Morph I can find.
 

spanky

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Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house...

it was delicious.
 

spanky

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Went for an interview as a bin man...

I don't have any experience but I'm sure I’ll can pick it up as I go along.
 

spanky

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If you join the Hong Kong police, you're expected to show up at least 2 hours before your shift is due to start...

something to do with beating the crowds.
 

spanky

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At school we used to bully the kid who had brittle bone disease...

Until one day, he just snapped.
 

mickthestick

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Just been on the internet looking for the local orphanage but they haven't got a home page
 

spanky

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Just opened my new cattle ranch in Wales at a little place called Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

Unfortunately, none of the cattle survived the branding.
 

spanky

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I had an experimental surgery done where my dodgy ankle was replaced with a metal coil...

It's been a great success - now I have a real spring in my step.
 

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