Spanky's thread

spanky

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Apparently Finland has a word for sitting alone at home getting drunk in your underwear.

Big deal, so do Scousers.

'Weekdays'.
 

spanky

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Was on my way through Birmingham last night when I saw 3 West Brom fans playing football with a hedgehog.

I was about to call the RSPCA, but the hedgehog went 2-1 up.
 

crackatoa

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The missus just asked me if I could be more like Liverpool during sex.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

She replied “stay on top for ages, then come 2nd”.
 

spanky

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My mate said he didn't understand what cloning was.

I said that makes two of us.
 

mickthestick

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My Wife asked , what do you like most about me , my looks or my sexy body , I replied your sense of humour
 

spanky

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I tried cooking corned beef fritters for tea...

but ended up making a hash of it
 

spanky

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My pet name for my girlfriend is copious...

She says it means a lot
 

mickthestick

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Almost bought a Skoda Yeti and then thought no it would leave a massive carbon footprint
 

spanky

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I know an awful lot about bus timetables...

I've led a sheltered life.
 

mickthestick

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My girlfriend said I have to choose between her and my job as a reporter , well have I got news for her
 

spanky

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Went to a restaurant for our anniversary and ordered the Potato salad.

Figured it might help her lose some weight.
 

spanky

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I've started a business making barbecues from used shopping trolleys.

Used shopping trolleys are fairly cheap - you can get them at most supermarkets for £1 each.
 

spanky

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There's an antelope going around the Serengeti killing lions and drinking their blood...

He's known locally as Vlad the Impala.
 

spanky

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After years of being told I'd never achieve anything because of my Dyslexia, I've just been offered a job at Nasa...

It's mainly stocking shelves but I'll get trained up for the tills eventually.
 

spanky

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Thought I saw the first ever scouser super hero today, he was running down our street wearing a cape...

Turns out he hadn't paid for his haircut .
 

spanky

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I woke up this morning and there was a humming bird in my bed!

I'm sure she didn't smell this bad last night.
 

spanky

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My wife has stood by me for 36 years.

Maybe I should let her sit down for a change.
 

spanky

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A study claims the filthiest location in a typical home isn't the kitchen floor, the bin, or even the toilet seat...

It's actually the hard drive.
 

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