Spanky's thread

spanky

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In a survival situation you can drink your own urine.

Fortunately, my Wi-Fi came back on just as I was filling the bottle.
 

spanky

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My mate's wife is doing a sponsored parachute jump tomorrow and I am genuinely terrified that the chute won't open...

Last time something that big hit the earth, the dinosaurs got wiped out.
 

spanky

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My wife told me that me taking everything she says so literally is turning her into a basket case...

Which is nice because then I'll have somewhere to keep my baskets.
 

spanky

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I used to have an unhealthy obsession with plumbing components but, after years of therapy, I finally got it out my cistern.
 

crackatoa

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I found a hearing aid outside my garden gate.

When I saw my neighbour I asked, "Excuse me sir, is this yours?"

He just blanked me the ignorant ****!
 

muggins

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Someone stole my glasses from work today. I'll find them...…...I have contacts.
 

crusty

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Knock Knock...

Who's there?

Dwayne

Dwayne who?

Dwayne this bath I think I'm dwowning.

Ian
 

spanky

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I predict, in years to come there’ll be a nuclear war in the Middle East, which’ll leave only one country and the Persian Gulf.

Just Kuwait and sea.
 

TrickyD

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My wife said I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she said.
 

spanky

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I used to be a stool examiner for the NHS but I'd no enthusiasm for it.

I was just going through the motions.
 

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