Spanky's thread

spanky

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Quentin Tarantino is to make a new film about Jarvis Cocker and the break up of his band.

Pulp Friction will be in cinemas next year.
 

spanky

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I've just got my first big acting break in a play about Neurosurgery.

I'm a bundle of nerves
 

spanky

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I stained an old garden bench today.

That vindaloo went right through me.
 

spanky

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Tennessee man accused of dipping testicles in customer's salsa.

I'm sure Jerry Lee Lewis wrote a song about that.
 

spanky

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BBC news: man dies after falling from atrium at Liverpool museum.

I'm in shock... Liverpool has a museum?
 

crackatoa

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Why I'm divorced

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning..

I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
let alone
' Happy Birthday.'

I thought....

Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids....
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word..
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,
my secretary Jane said,
'Good Morning Boss,
and by the way
Happy Birthday ! '
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me..'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !'

We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office,
Jane said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?'

I responded,
'I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?'
She said,
'Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner..'

After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
' Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing 'Happy Birthday'.


And I just sat there...

On the couch....

Naked, with my cock in my hand
 

Pokerstar

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3,332
Why I'm divorced

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning..

I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
let alone
' Happy Birthday.'

I thought....

Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids....
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word..
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,
my secretary Jane said,
'Good Morning Boss,
and by the way
Happy Birthday ! '
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me..'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !'

We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office,
Jane said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?'

I responded,
'I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?'
She said,
'Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner..'

After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
' Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing 'Happy Birthday'.


And I just sat there...

On the couch....

Naked, with my cock in my hand
I laughed out loud on the train at that one!
 

spanky

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Glasgow University evacuated as police investigate suspicious package.

Turns out it was a salad.
 

spanky

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The best thing about having the flu is not having to explain the box of tissues next to the computer.
 

spanky

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I was arrested in PC World for theft.

It was the doctor's fault, he told me to keep taking the tablets
 

spanky

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It’s now got to the stage where me and the wife have gone our separate ways and will be spending a considerable time apart for the indefinite future.

She’s shopping for shoes.
 

spanky

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At a recent job interview I was asked if I could perform under pressure.

I said "I didn't know, but I could have a crack at Bohemian Rhapsody.
 

spanky

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Female drivers: The reason people look both ways when crossing a one way street...
 

spanky

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My boiler's just exploded...

Time to buy her some flowers.
 

spanky

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Over 10,000 people have lost their jobs at the Chi-Chong-Xi factory in Peking, famous for its production of Origami-based toys...

The Managing Director has confirmed that the company has folded.
 

mickthestick

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Can't work the Wife out , first she says yes it's fine if I have a Tattoo and now she's moaning about all the Bagpipers in the back garden
 

spanky

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I just said "No comment" all the way through the police interview.

I didn't get the job.
 

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