Spanky's thread

spanky

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"If you could meet anyone dead or alive, who would it be?"

"Someone alive."
 

crackatoa

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My wife always used to say - "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"......until the accident!
 

spanky

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Did you know the blue whale is so massive that if you put it on a football pitch the match would be cancelled?
 

spanky

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I've got a job interview tomorrow to become a Argos delivery driver.

To show them that I'll fit in well, I'm going to turn up anytime I like between 7am and 7pm.
 

spanky

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Oak Furnitureland...

Worst theme park ever, kids hated it.
 

spanky

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I divorced my wife because I didn’t like the fact that there were three people in our marriage.

Me, her, and Colonel Sanders.
 

crackatoa

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There once was a Red Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was 'Onestone'.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,'
If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.'
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.
He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.
She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day,
Made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

Why ???


OH, come on... Take a guess !!!


Think about it !!!

You're going to love this !!!


Everyone knows..


You can't kill Two Birds


With

OneStone
 

spanky

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Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet...

More updates as this story unfolds.
 

spanky

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I called my kids Lager and Guinness.

The wife's Bitter.
 

spanky

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I don't need pictures of my wife on my phone to remind me of her.

The screen already has a massive crack in it.
 

spanky

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My friend has a rare condition where her face is completely allergic to Max Factor and No.7.

You couldn't make it up
 

mickthestick

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Women think they are good at multitasking , well just try telling one to sit down and shut up
 

spanky

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If laziness was an Olympic sport, I would come fourth to save walking up to the podium.
 

spanky

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A Ryanair flight had to be diverted after a fist fight broke out on board.

Passengers were subsequently charged £5 extra for the ring side seat.
 

spanky

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For my holidays last year, I threw a dart at a map of the world and decided to go to wherever it landed...

I had a fantastic two weeks sat next to the skirting board.
 

spanky

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I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches...

but it would be a waist of time.
 

spanky

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My local chip shop still wraps up meals in newspaper...

Yesterday I got a plaice in The Sun.
 

spanky

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Dear Mother In Law, please don't tell me how to bring up my children.

I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
 
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