Spanky's thread

spanky

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All Greggs shops look the same.

Just copy and pastry.
 
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spanky

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My wife left me because I didn't like her placard collection.

I should've seen the signs.
 

crackatoa

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I'm organising a party for people who can't reach an orgasm, so if you can't come let me know
 

spanky

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Scenes of a man using a digger to smash up a travel lodge hotel in Liverpool have caused uproar...

Witnesses describe the shock of seeing a scouser working.
 
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spanky

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I got my wife a three piece swimsuit...

Top and bottom for her, blindfold for me.
 

spanky

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I like working in the Bingo Hall...

it isn't so much a job as a calling
 

spanky

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After many years of hard work, I finally have the ear of the CEO...

Now to write the ransom note
 

mickthestick

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Sick of people knocking my door for donations , Woman from the sperm bank this morning ,I didn't half give her a mouthful
 

spanky

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Apparently I'm an 'Unhealthy Fat Git' so from now on I'm only going to buy that fancy water with healthy additives.

Like the one that's got hops, yeast and malted barley in it.
 

spanky

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My teacher said I've never be any good at poetry due to my dyslexia

I've showed him - today I made two jugs and a vase
 
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spanky

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Salad to become scarce and hard to come by in the event of a no deal Brexit.

Scotland are said to be unconcerned.
 

spanky

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I always keeps an empty milk bottle in his fridge...

Just in case someone wants a black coffee
 

spanky

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Couldn't find a ice scraper for the car windscreen this morning, so I improvised using a store loyalty card from my wallet.

I could only get 5% off.
 

spanky

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My wife's been on a sponsored slim.

She owes me £4.50.
 

1kingy

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Couldn't find a ice scraper for the car windscreen this morning, so I improvised using a store loyalty card from my wallet.

I could only get 5% off.
I used half a potato and ended up with a chip on my windscreen :LOL::LOL::LOL:
 

crackatoa

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My wife was hit by a golf ball. I rushed her to the hospital - the doctor asked me "Where did it strike her?"

"Between the first and second holes" I said.

"Crikey!" he said "that doesn't leave much room to operate."
 

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