Spanky's thread

spanky

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I've recently started building kid's pushchairs out of bits of junk in my garage.

I love it when a pram comes together.
 

spanky

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My wife bought me the Karma Sutra for Christmas.

Its put me in a very awkward position
 

spanky

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The moon is full of mysterious landscapes and craters.

On the bright side, you can actually see them.
 

spanky

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A really sexy girl was checking me out today.

Then I paid her for the groceries and left the shop.
 

spanky

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HOUSEWIVES: Hang on in there, only one more day till your new vacuum cleaner.
 

spanky

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Every Christmas we'd run downstairs to the big pile of presents and start unwrapping them as fast as we could. Sometimes there would be fights over who had the best toys but we would all make up later and sit down to have a three hour dinner before watching telly for the rest of the day.

I really miss working at the Royal Mail sorting office.
 

derwentboy

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I went to the doctor feeling worried today and said , "Doctor in my dreams one minute I'm a wigwam, the next minute I think I'm a Teepee."
"The problem is your two tents," he replied.
 

spanky

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My wife has blisters on her hands from using the broom.

I've told her that next time she can use the car.
 

spanky

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I'm great at sleeping.

I can do it with my eyes shut.
 

crackatoa

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Have you noticed how many F1 drivers have names linked to Scottish towns?


Stirling Moss, Lewis Hamilton, Eddie Irvine.......Ayr Town Centre...

..............................................

I just applied for a job in the Citroen factory.


I had to send in 2CVs.

.........................................................

Breaking News...

Midget holds seance for charity and runs off with the takings.

Small medium at large.
 

spanky

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Futurists have suggested that in a few decades there will be ejaculating clocks...

We'll all know when the time comes.
 

spanky

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As a kid, I used to torture ants with a magnifying glass and the Sun...

It's the only newspaper we had.
 

spanky

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When archaeologists date cave paintings, do they factor in the gap between completion and when the wife started nagging the caveman to get it done?
 

spanky

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My girlfriend said last night "You treat our relationship like some kind of game!"

Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance.
 

spanky

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I enrolled on a course entitled “Basic Origami”. You’re probably wondering why.

Well, the answer is twofold...
 

spanky

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I wanted my wife to wake up with a smile on her face this morning.

Now I'm banned from having sharpies in the house.
 

spanky

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I remember when I picked up this woman at the village hall discotheque, took her for a walk in the woods afterwards.

I'm not saying she was ugly but it didn't take her long to find truffles.
 

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