Following on from Scalpers thread:-

D

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Pardon my digression..........

I remember playing poker in a pub once, 9 of us sitting round the table, someone says ‘Anyone seen the new landlord yet?’

My mate and regular in there chirped up ‘No but I’ve seen the new Landlady she’s a right battle axe’.

A stranger at the end of the table says ‘Actually lads, I’m Eddie, the new Landlord’

After an uncomfortable silence that probably lasted for about 5 seconds he then followed up with.....

‘You’re dead right mate, I’ve been married to her for 30 years and she’s the mother of all battle axes!’

He went on to be the best landlord that pub ever had!
 

Godber

Priapism! ladies?
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I turned 56 in April but still go to the gym 3-4 times a week, circuit training, Hiit, boot camp etc and a few miles on the treadmill but................ its getting harder and harder, l don't recover as quick these days and suffer from pulls and strains.
 

Arry

Aitch, Cantankerous old gimmer with "Views"
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Pilates is your friend... me and t'wife go every Thursday... she's still going "ouch" on saturday :ROFLMAO: :p :cool:
 

Dave Spence

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Pilates is your friend... me and t'wife go every Thursday... she's still going "ouch" on saturday :ROFLMAO: :p :cool:
Why what are you doing to her Aitch, is it the sight of the lycra that does it?:p:p:p
 

Arry

Aitch, Cantankerous old gimmer with "Views"
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Sadly it's the exertion and nowt to do wiff me.... or my tight lycra clad butticks :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO:
 

Ken the Pacman

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Last bank holiday I got diverted off the M62 late at night at the roadworks near Manchester and the diversion was a joke plus the sat nav keeps trying to direct you to the M62 which is shut but I finished up a bit lost then in a Police roadblock which was checking cars out and drivers for drinking....I had not had a drink and I wouldn't drive if I had so after a quick word and asking directions I set off again.
By now it was 1 am and the roads nearer home were mostly empty so I was going a little fast not mad but over the limit,I noticed a grey looking Kia or Hyundai SUV behind me but paid it little attention until after a couple of miles it pulled up right behind me an blue lights came on so I stopped as soon as I could amongst the parked cars.
Usual spiel from the plod ..going a little fast Sir so I explained I was very sorry but I was late getting home because of a horrendous diversion and to add to it was stopped by your lot already for no reason to which he replied Yes there is a bit of a purge coming on Summer drink driving amongst other things,I had noticed him sniffing, so I said for the second time tonight No officer I have not had a drink to which he replied that the main reason they stopped me was they thought my car might be stolen as there had been a few cases recently and having checked my details and it looked to them like my car was being driven in a manner they would associate with a YOUNGER PERSON....wtf I thought but said nothing as it looked like I was not getting a ticket by then....good job I was not really in a rush :LOL: Thanked him for his concern and drove slowly home with them following until I turned off the main road.
Yes I was glad to be considered old that night:cool:
 

Dave Spence

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Last bank holiday I got diverted off the M62 late at night at the roadworks near Manchester and the diversion was a joke plus the sat nav keeps trying to direct you to the M62 which is shut but I finished up a bit lost then in a Police roadblock which was checking cars out and drivers for drinking....I had not had a drink and I wouldn't drive if I had so after a quick word and asking directions I set off again.
By now it was 1 am and the roads nearer home were mostly empty so I was going a little fast not mad but over the limit,I noticed a grey looking Kia or Hyundai SUV behind me but paid it little attention until after a couple of miles it pulled up right behind me an blue lights came on so I stopped as soon as I could amongst the parked cars.
Usual spiel from the plod ..going a little fast Sir so I explained I was very sorry but I was late getting home because of a horrendous diversion and to add to it was stopped by your lot already for no reason to which he replied Yes there is a bit of a purge coming on Summer drink driving amongst other things,I had noticed him sniffing, so I said for the second time tonight No officer I have not had a drink to which he replied that the main reason they stopped me was they thought my car might be stolen as there had been a few cases recently and having checked my details and it looked to them like my car was being driven in a manner they would associate with a YOUNGER PERSON....wtf I thought but said nothing as it looked like I was not getting a ticket by then....good job I was not really in a rush :LOL: Thanked him for his concern and drove slowly home with them following until I turned off the main road.
Yes I was glad to be considered old that night:cool:
I once had the opposite. Last year I was driving through our local Industrial estate and it was pretty much deserted, I noticed a police car, in my mirror, that had pulled out behind me. He followed me for a couple of minutes and then put the blue lights on, I pulled over, switched off and got out. The officer asked me my name and when I told him he said "oh that's all right then", he went on to explain that he had run my reg number through the computer and when it came back that it was registered to a Dave Spence, who was born in 1955, he thought it was nicked because I did not look old enough (y)(y)(y) I bragged about that for weeks.
 

Arry

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While at work last march I mentioned to a lad I was retiring in the october.... he asked how old I was and when I told him I'd be 60 in the July he goggled and said he thought I was only about 48.... my lady boss who was earwigging said a VERY rude word as she knew how old I was and she was 55....🤣🤣🤣🤣
 

Dave Spence

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While at work last march I mentioned to a lad I was retiring in the october.... he asked how old I was and when I told him I'd be 60 in the July he goggled and said he thought I was only about 48.... my lady boss who was earwigging said a VERY rude word as she knew how old I was and she was 55....🤣🤣🤣🤣
It don't happen often enough mate, you have to milk it when it does. I am still living in hope to be asked for ID when I go for a packet of fags:smoke:
 

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