A Day in the Diary of a BMW Driver

crackatoa

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A Day in the Diary of a BMW Driver
"The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars. First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway! The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn. Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane. Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph! Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way. Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me! He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car. Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast! Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my driver’s licence to a police station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They're not free points either - they're £20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the police station said that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me! See, now THAT'S the sort of respect you get when you own and drive a BMW! "
 

genesis

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Do you get tenners pushed through the window when you lower them a bit
 

Wise Owl

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Coming back from Manchester Airport a Beemer shot past us at speed, i was doing 75ish he must be 100ish anyway about a mile or 2 down the road where the traffic was slowing we see him getting out of his car and into a coppers,well i had to check to see if my horn worked and for some reason my hand started gesturing in a Masturbating way whilst i laughed uncontrollably :D:D:D
 

genesis

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Coming back from Manchester Airport a Beemer shot past us at speed, i was doing 75ish he must be 100ish anyway about a mile or 2 down the road where the traffic was slowing we see him getting out of his car and into a coppers,well i had to check to see if my horn worked and for some reason my hand started gesturing in a Masturbating way whilst i laughed uncontrollably :D:D:D
Don't get much chance to enjoy speed in my Hi-Lux Invincible even though its 3.5 ltr. But I always enjoy it when some PENIS HEAD flashes past you doing the ton as you can then follow on steadily knowing they will get pulled if there is the rarity of a police car about. My old dad used to call them bait as they are out in front of you and they will get taken first :):):) He was a clever old sod.
 

Wise Owl

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I had an Ex Copper in the van with me and the beemer Drivers face when we all went past laughing and cheering him was a picture :p:p:p
 

penbill

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when your insurance finds out and you get a premium on for 5 years you mite think what a PRAT I am.
 

nejohn

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Oh dear I must be a really bad driver and very lucky.....as I have been driving around 40 years never had a fault accident and only ever had one speeding ticket for doing 36 in a 30 limit and all of this despite owning 7 BMW's....! Unfortunately so many narrow minded idiots that jump on a band wagon, I drive around 30k miles per year and see some pretty p**s poor driving and guess what most of the worst is by people driving small hatchbacks, either idiot kids that have just past the test and think they are driving the fastest car ever made and are totally invincible or a doddery old person that never gets out of 2nd gear. I also often have a BMW hire car and I notice the attitude of other drivers towards you is very different, they often become aggressive and intolerant and you have no chance of being let out from a junction...just as many knobs driving VW's as there are driving BMW's
And why have I bought BMW's....once I was involved in an accident some idiot in a focus hit me head on when I decided to overtake a lorry ...both cars were very badly damaged, I unclipped my seat belt opened my door and got out....2 hours later the fire brigade were still cutting the other driver out, apparently he did get out of hospital after 4 months
 

nejohn

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Sorry above post should read the idiot in the focus hit me head on when he decided to overtake a lorry and came onto my side of the road
 

Lol

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the son in law has the same problem when he runs his imported Honda Integra V-Tec. all the little petrol heads want to race him which is daft because there are faster cars out there!

the BMW bit reminded me of a friend's experience. On our section of the M1 we get the armed response unmarked car squad doing their formation driving practice, 5 cars or so in a tight line doing the ton down the outside lane.

said friend worked at Bradford and commuted every day. one morning this unmarked high speed chain goes past him in the outside lane.
"I'm getting on the back of that!" he thinks, and he did, until this sign in the back window of the last car lights up "Police".:ROFLMAO:
 

crowder

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Oh dear I must be a really bad driver and very lucky.....as I have been driving around 40 years never had a fault accident and only ever had one speeding ticket for doing 36 in a 30 limit and all of this despite owning 7 BMW's....! Unfortunately so many narrow minded idiots that jump on a band wagon, I drive around 30k miles per year and see some pretty p**s poor driving and guess what most of the worst is by people driving small hatchbacks, either idiot kids that have just past the test and think they are driving the fastest car ever made and are totally invincible or a doddery old person that never gets out of 2nd gear. I also often have a BMW hire car and I notice the attitude of other drivers towards you is very different, they often become aggressive and intolerant and you have no chance of being let out from a junction...just as many knobs driving VW's as there are driving BMW's
And why have I bought BMW's....once I was involved in an accident some idiot in a focus hit me head on when I decided to overtake a lorry ...both cars were very badly damaged, I unclipped my seat belt opened my door and got out....2 hours later the fire brigade were still cutting the other driver out, apparently he did get out of hospital after 4 months
It’s just jealousy mate.
I’ve never found Audi and BMW drivers to be no worse than other road users, the issue is that as soon as someone in one of the aforementioned cars makes a mistake everyone jumps on the BMW/Audi bandwagon.

I recently almost bought a BMW but went for a VW instead, I like to think my driving has maintained the same standard regardless of what car I drive.
 

Lol

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some nasty man in a BMW obviously upset cracky whilst he was driving his Trabant to protest the Jewish/Trump/England in the semifinals already situation.
 

Dave

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the son in law has the same problem when he runs his imported Honda Integra V-Tec. all the little petrol heads want to race him which is daft because there are faster cars out there!

the BMW bit reminded me of a friend's experience. On our section of the M1 we get the armed response unmarked car squad doing their formation driving practice, 5 cars or so in a tight line doing the ton down the outside lane.

said friend worked at Bradford and commuted every day. one morning this unmarked high speed chain goes past him in the outside lane.
"I'm getting on the back of that!" he thinks, and he did, until this sign in the back window of the last car lights up "Police".:ROFLMAO:
A similar thing happened to a mate of mine when a car came up behind him at speed on the M1 early one morning and flashed his lights.
My friend thought **** you, and floored his car.
The car behind kept up until friend's car finally ran out of steam and he had to move over.
The car behind pulled alongside and indicated for friend to pull onto the hard should where he got a bollocking from no other than the chief constable of an area just south of Yorkshire who was speeding whilst on official duties.
Luckily he was too rushed to take it further
 

Lol

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that would be Derbyshire - God's own country :thumbsup:
they seem to like the run between Jn 28 and 36 for some reason. must be all us lawless buggers :uzi:
 

Trogg

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Now-a-days i find BMW drivers are actually a lot better, it seems to be the Audi and ST owners who are the arseholes.

I was coming home from work a few weeks ago and there's two STs coming towards me side by side racing each other, the one on my side of the road must have thought i was going to move or stop because it wasn't untill the last minute he hit his brakes front end hit the road and he swerved in behind the other one just in time to be missed.

I don't care, you're on my side of the road, speeding towards me, my car cost £300 your car is worth thousands, we hit head on you lose a lot more than i do.
 

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